Washington
by Blood of Your Lips
Summary: Bella comes back to Washington and gets the shock of her life. How can she choose between the two loves of her life? And how will the man of her dreams react when he finds out that the father of her child could be his twin? *Repost * Read Notes Carefully*
1. Chapter 1

**IMPORTANT INFORMATION: **While some may disagree, I am not fond of vampire-spawned children. This story features a human child. I am of the firm belief that Carlisle would be perfectly happy with adopting. To ask if he can have a child created from his own body, to me, is an insult to the idea of adoption. To me, asking that question in reference to this story is like saying that Carlisle would not love an adopted child as much as he would one that he created. I personally would like to believe that Bella and her daughter alone would be enough. Please do not ask me for Carlisle to have his own biological child.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing from the Twilight world. All characters and original plots are the creation of one Stephanie Meyer, and I am only borrowing them for my own personal amusement and am making absolutely nothing from this bit of fantastical weirdness, and no copyright infringement is intended. I also own nothing from Nurse Jackie. All the characters of said show belong to the creators Liz Brixius, Linda Wallem and Evan Dunsky. And while all of said characters and original plots do belong to the above, the idea for this story is my own and any resemblance to any other work is purely coincidental.

**Summary:** A twenty-three year old Bella is back in Washington, but has been exhausting herself with her precariously balanced life. On the first day back of her winter quarter at college, she has an emergency and gets the shock of her life. How can she choose between the two loves of her life? And how will the man of her dreams react when he finds out that the father of her child could be his twin?

**Genre:** Romance, angst, friendship, slight crossover with Nurse Jackie.

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**First Class**

I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I had tried everything. I had called every single person that was normally available, but between the flu going around and people travelling, I had absolutely no one. I'd even called the hospital where I sometimes volunteered to see if I could utilize the childcare center, but was quickly informed that I could only use the services if I were on the premises. So I was stuck with no other options, and on my first day back to college nonetheless.

"Okay, Ali," I sighed heavily to the little girl that trotted along beside me. "Remember—you have to be very, _very_ quiet for Mommy. It's very important that you be as quiet as you can be, because Mommy doesn't need to get in trouble with her teacher. What do you do if you want a new toy to play with?"

The girl cheerfully, but softly answered, "I pull your sleeve."

"And what about if you get hungry and need a snack?"

"I pull your sleeve, Mommy." The girl's brown eyes shot upwards as her light brown curls bounced around her shoulders. "I promise, Mommy, I'll be good. I won't make your teacher mad."

I smiled down at my daughter, tousling her hair as I laughed softly. "Thank you, baby. Mommy sometimes forgets just how smart you really are."

My chuckles came to an abrupt halt as I neared the wooden double doors. I lifted a finger to remind my daughter to be as quiet as possible, then I silently pulled the door open and led the little girl to a couple of corner seats in the very back, placing the many bags I carried down as carefully as possible. I immediately set up a few coloring books and toys for Ali to play with before glancing up to give the professor an apologetic smile. My heart skipped a beat, however, when a pair of familiar golden eyes stared back at me.

I could barely believe it. Here was the man that, despite the love I had once held for the enigmatic Edward, I had always had a crush on. I'd always felt pulled to him in some mysterious way, and I'd been certain it was due to the unique and powerful combination of his comforting and inviting demeanor and his stunning beauty, but even after I had moved to away New York, I found myself still dreaming occasionally about the Cullens' patriarch. And as I sat before him now in the large auditorium, he did not seem as shocked as to see me as I was to see him.

"Miss Swan, I presume," his soft English tenor called to me. "I was just going over the class syllabus and—" his lips quirked— "attendance. If you would come see me after class, I will get you a copy of those."

I grimaced and nodded toward my daughter, whispering 'sorry' under my breath, knowing full well that he would hear me with his vampiric senses. I smiled softly when he nodded his understanding, and I effectively split my attention between Carlisle and my daughter, astutely taking notes and switching out toys and books as needed. As Carlisle began going over the grading system, I let my eyes travel around the room, and to my growing surprise, I saw four familiar faces rather than five. I could not help but wonder where my ex-boyfriend was.

I smirked with self-pride as I thought about the young looking vampire.

For the first year after he left with his family, I was an absolute mess. I did the most reckless things that I could think of, including cliff diving and excessive drinking, and I even tried it together one time, resulting in nearly drowning. The only reason I wasn't dead was Jacob Black and the rest of the wolf pack. They had refused to give up on me and had carefully pulled me back from the brink of destruction, but that still did not keep me from fleeing to New York the day after I graduated, because while my best friend and the wolves had helped ease my pain, helped me accept what had happened and that he was never returning for me, I just could not remain in the place that reminded me so much of him.

So I moved. But within the first week of being in New York, I found myself in an emergency room and confronted with one of the most unbelievable sights that I would ever encounter: Fitch Cooper.

I absolutely, positively could _not_ believe it. The young physician looked almost exactly like Carlisle Cullen, only with a slight tan and dark brunette hair. He had a personality that reminded me of an exaggerated blend of Emmett and Mike Newton, and it was seeing him that brought many feelings, familiar and unfamiliar, rushing to me. So confused and unsure about my past and with the direction of my life, I had begun a short affair of sorts with him, coming to him once every few weeks for physical and emotional release. There were never any romantic feelings between us—he was just a friend that I occasionally had sex with, and both of us had been perfectly fine with that arrangement.

Until I got pregnant.

When I had accidentally gotten pregnant, he'd handled it surprisingly well, grabbing my right breast only twice during the conversation, and like most everything in our relaxed and breezy relationship, we had come to a rather quick and liberal agreement. While he liked children, he had admitted, slightly embarrassed as he groped my breast the second time, that he was not at all ready to be a full-time father. He signed away his rights, promising to never interfere or try to take my child from me. He was delighted when I had agreed to let him see her anyway, whenever he wished, as long as it was conducive to my schedule.

It was only this year that I had become a rather discontent with my life and my struggle to find myself, and I had morosely informed Coop that I was taking Ali with me back to Washington. Oddly, the business of the city that never sleeps had only given me more challenges than opportunities, and I wanted to return home, or at least closer to home. So I'd enrolled in college in Seattle, secured a job in the city, packed up and moved back to the state in which I'd spent the most unusual part of my life.

I was not surprised at the hurt puppy-eyes or the reluctance to let us go, but he had no legal ties to his daughter and knew that I was completely miserable with my life's lack of direction. I promised the childlike-man I called my friend that he could come see us anytime he wanted and that I would come back to visit for as many holidays as possible once I was settled and into the swing of things. Unfortunately, the overwhelming reality of life had hit me and I had not returned to New York for Christmas like I had planned. It seemed being a full-time mother, full-time student and full-time receptionist was far more draining than I could have ever imagined and it was really beginning to wear me down. As it was, I wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and sleep, but I really could not do that in front of the Cullens. Well, that and the fact that my daughter was now tugging on my sleeve.

I turned to her, whispering, "Yes, baby? What's wrong?"

"Class is over," she whispered back with a smile. "Mr. Cullen wants to see you."

I groaned internally as a bright flush spread across my cheeks. I had not meant to get so lost in my thoughts, and I was highly embarrassed, because I knew that the elder vampire would have noticed. Still, I tried to keep my dignity and began packing up my notebook and all of Ali's things, when her angelic voice squeaked out, "Mommy! Look at the pretty girl!"

I glanced over to see Rosalie, along with her husband and siblings, walking up the far isle, and I smiled sadly. "Yes, darling. I see her. That's Rosalie. Rosalie, Alice, Emmett and Jasper," I said automatically, cringing when my child spun to me, mouth hanging open.

"You know them?"

I looked back to see Alice smiling. "I used to, baby. Mommy hasn't seen them since before you were born."

"Oooh… That's a _long_ time," my daughter cooed.

I laughed. "Yes, I suppose it is."

"Bella!"

I knew that voice anywhere, and I could not stop a sigh when I saw that the four had stopped and that Alice was bouncing excitedly at the end of the row. Gathering my stuff and grasping my daughter's hand, I led us to the younger Cullens, knowing that they would never hurt me or my child. To my surprise, Rosalie was not frowning like I thought she would be, and Jasper did not look uncomfortable in the slightest, leaving me to believe that he must have gotten over his bloodlust. "Alice," I said politely as I came to a halt at the end of the row. I nodded to the others as Ali gaped at Rosalie. "Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie."

"Hello, Bella," the blonde female said with a small smile.

I could see that Alice and Emmett wanted to attack me with hugs, but the presence of my daughter held them back. "It's good to see you again," I spoke quietly. "How are you?"

"We're doin' well, Bella," Jasper drawled, surprising me, before he glanced down at Ali. "And who is this little sweetheart?"

"I'm Ali!" my daughter supplied proudly.

Alice quirked an eyebrow at me, and I smiled, flushing slightly. "Guys, I'd like you to meet Alicia Rosalyn Cooper."

"Rosalyn?"

I nodded at Rosalie, my smile losing some of its brightness as a bit of sadness crept in. "Yeah. I, um… I wanted to name her after my family." I watched as her mouth dropped open for a moment, and before I could register it, I found myself with an armful of blonde vampire.

"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry. I never hated you. I promise, I only—"

A voice came behind us. "Hello, Isabella. Rosalie, I do not believe this is the time or place."

I felt my heart stop for a moment as the man that I had fantasized about for the last few years stepped into my view, his pale skin seeming to glow as his golden eyes twinkled. His blond hair was perfect, and all I wanted to do was muss it. "Hello, Carlisle. How are you?"

Alice picked the moment to pipe up. "You know, we don't have another class for a few hours, so maybe I could take Ali outside to play while you talk?" When I bit my lip in hesitation, she chirped brightly, "Bella, I know we haven't seen each other in awhile, but you know that I would never let anything happen to Ali. Besides, I think you have a lot to talk about with Carlisle and Rosalie."

I sighed. Of course, the dark-haired pixie would have kept tabs on me, and she was right. I knew Ali was safe with these vampires, and if they were going to be in my life again, no matter how little or how much, they deserved to know my thoughts about them, what happened, and that I bore them no ill will.

"Can we go play by the fountain?" Ali squealed.

"Of course!" Alice replied, her voice almost as high as my child's. "Why don't we go ahead and go outside, and Emmett and Jasper can get you something to eat while your Mommy talks to Doctor Cullen and Rosalie." She glanced at me. "Is that okay, Bella?"

I smiled and nodded. "Yes, of course. Ali," I called my daughter to me, scooping her up in my arms. "I want you to be good for Miss Alice. Do _not_ go running off! You stay right with Miss Alice, and you do not, under _any_ circumstances, leave her side. Do you understand me?" My daughter's caramel curls bobbed as she nodded vigorously. "Okay… You can go. Behave!" I waited until they disappeared, before turning to the father and daughter vampires. "Do you have another class to teach, Carlisle?"

He shook his head. "Not for another hour, but I think we should move this conversation to an empty room, as it will be filling up with another class in about ten minutes." He glanced at me, his golden eyes raking over me briefly before he reached to lift some of my bags. When I started to protest, he shook his head. "I won't accept no, Bella. Now, when's your next class?"

I began walking between Rosalie and Carlisle. "This is my only class today. I normally would go to work after this, but since I couldn't find a sitter for Ali, I had to call off." To my horror, I yawned. "Sorry."

"Bella, forgive me, but how much sleep have you been getting recently?" Carlisle inquired as he led me to an empty computer room. "You are paler than I remember, and not to be rude, but the circles under your eyes are more pronounced and… you just yawned. Are you quite all right? Have you been taking care of yourself?"

It was impossible to be upset with him, particularly as he was giving me the warmest look of concern. I smirked. "Always a doctor first, huh, Carlisle?" He only smiled, and I returned it, though mine was slightly less bright. "Actually, I've not gotten a lot of sleep, since… well, since Ali was born. Working full-time and being a single mother is exhausting—wonderful, but exhausting. Add school on top of that and…" I shrugged. "But it's life, and as hard as it is right now, I wouldn't trade it for the world." I was surprised at the amount of worry in their eyes as I continued, "The father, though a nice guy, was not exactly cut out to _be_ a father. Maybe when he matures… He signed away his rights, but while I was living in New York, he helped out with money for Ali when necessary. I really didn't like accepting his help."

Rosalie snorted. "You never liked accepting help." She sighed, before giving me a curious glance. "How old is she?"

"She's four." I felt my lips tugging downwards in a frown as shame welled up in me, not shame for my daughter, but rather the things I had done before she came into my life. "When you all left, I did some really dangerous things for awhile. Jacob and the pack helped me through, but I still couldn't stay in Forks. I left the day after my graduation and went to New York. Not long after, I ended up in the ER—surprise, surprise—and my physician loo-reminded me of the family." I bit my lip, hoping they didn't notice my stumble. I really did not want to reveal to them that Ali's father looked exactly like Carlisle. Of course, I was certain questions would arise later, given that my daughter did look quite a bit like the Cullens' leader. "We very quickly became friends, and I had her. I was nineteen."

"And you're alone now?" Rosalie pressed. "You have absolutely no one helping you?"

I shrugged. "I have a sitter. She helps take care of Ali when I'm at work and school." I gave a long, sad sigh. "I hate that I don't get to spend more time with her, but I just don't know what to do. I'm trying the best I can to take care of her and—" I shook my head, breaking my rant. "Sorry. I'm sorry. Look, I think I'd better get Ali and go. It was nice seeing you again."

Without another word, I grabbed my pack and turned away.

"Bella! Isabella, wait! Please?"

I shouldn't have stopped, but there was something in Carlisle's voice that just got to me. I couldn't just walk away from him if he was calling me. _Damn it! Keep moving!_ My mind shouted at me. Instead, I spun in time to see the two blonds walking toward me—well, Carlisle almost glided and Rosalie was practically stomping. It was the first time today that I had seen something akin to anger on her face.

"Bella, Alice is right. It has been awhile," Carlisle said softly in his English accent, and I found myself hanging on his every word. I studied the angles of his face, the way the light blue shirt enhanced the beauty of his pale skin. I felt my eyes drifting lower, but was able to stop myself before I began to study too closely the way the dark blue trousers fit him rather perfectly. "Isabella, we have always considered you family," the Cullen's patriarch continued. "There was not a one of us that really wished to leave, but for the sake of keeping our family together, I felt that we must. You will never know how sorry I am for that."

I raised a hand. "Carlisle, I do not blame you or the family. The only one to blame is Edward, and I really can't find it in my heart to be angry or blame him. If it were not for him leaving, I would not have the most precious gift of my daughter. I never blamed any of you. You did what you had to do."

"Then let us take care of you and Ali!" Rosalie blurted out, ignoring the way my eyes were going wide. When I opened my mouth to decline, she lectured on. "Bella, you really were and still are like family. We take care of our family. I know that leaving was wrong—you can't deny that it wasn't— but please let us help you. Let us… make it up to you. You look exhausted, and frankly, if you keep up the pace of working full-time and going to college full-time, you are going to wear yourself out. You are going to crash and burn and you won't be of any use to your daughter."

I glanced to Carlisle to find him pinching the bridge of his nose. There was no doubt in my mind that this was not how he had planned on approaching this conversation. "Rosalie," he practically groaned in warning before he opened his eyes and studied me. "Bella, Edward departed about eight months after we left Fork. We were unsure as to when he would return, so Alice and I were not certain as to whether or not she should watch you for awhile. When we realized that Edward was not coming back to us, Alice began to watch over you once in awhile to make certain of your safety. We were aware that you had moved from Washington. Alice saw that you had a child, and she said that you were happy, then she saw you move back and said that you were making yourself ill with work." He glanced at me, and then his gold eyes darted to the floor momentarily before flickering back up. "We came searching for you."

"You…" I felt my mouth open and shut several times, before I regained my senses. I shook my head. "Look, Carlisle, I really don't blame you or your family for what happened. It's fine. I'm perfectly fine with what happened now. I've moved on. I'm okay. And I know that you want to help. I know that you have only the best of intentions, but I just can't accept your offer. It's… I just can't. Thank you, but no."

I went to reach for the bags he'd carried for me, when I heard a strong angry voice. "No! Bella, no!"

Rosalie stepped in front of me arms crossed. "Bella, I want you to know that I never hated you. I envied you. You had life, the ability to create life. I wanted you to have the things that I never could, and I'm not going to lie to you—part of my voting no was simply because I wanted you to have choices, to have a chance at life. A very selfish part of me wanted to force you out of our lives simply so you could have the life that I always wanted to have." She leaned against a desk and stared intently at me. "I wanted so much to be a wife and mother. I can never have that. But you... You have a beautiful little girl who needs her mother." She held her hands up to stop any rant that I might launch into. "I understand that you are working yourself to death and going to college because you want to do better for Ali. I get that. I do. I respect it. You are trying your best to be a good mother, but it's killing you. Alice saw you getting sick and depressed. _How_ can you be a good mother if you can't even take care of yourself?"

I winced. The truth stung. "Rosalie..."

"Rose."

I blinked when she, with one word, gave me permission to use her nickname. "Rose, I really appreciate this offer. I do… But I don't want to take advantage of your family. It isn'—"

"Isabella," Carlisle interrupted, his eyes dancing with amusement. "You cannot take advantage of something that is being offered. Besides, had Edward turned you and you joined our family then instead of now, you would still be in the position of having more money than you could hope to spend in several life times. I know it goes against everything in you to accept generosity, but I assure you that you will not in any way be a hardship on us. I could pay your tuition a thousand times over and still have excessive amounts of money left."

"Carlisle, it's not just the money!" I argued, ignoring Rose's murmur of 'oh, good lord'. "My child is exactly that. She's a child. She's loud and playful. She runs and… and… She's a child! I don't want her to end up disrupting your lives."

"How on Earth could a four year old disrupt our lives, Bella?" Rosalie argued back. "We don't sleep, so it's not like any nightmares or dreams would wake us up. It's not like buying food will be a hassle to our finances. We fed you plenty and we never went in the hole!" She smiled when I failed to suppress a snort of laughter. "Alice and Emmett are so full of energy that she'd have to people to play with. Jasper has his bloodlust completely under control, and frankly—and this is my selfish side talking—I would love to have a child to help take care of and watch after." She shrugged and gave me a bright grin that went up to her eyes. "So don't think of it as taking advantage of us. Don't think of it as having to accept help. Think of it as giving us more humanity. Think of it as bring fun and happiness into our lives."

I glanced at Carlisle helplessly, and he laughed for a moment, before bursting my bubble of hope. "When Alice told us her plan, my children were quite thrilled."

I nibbled on my lip, grasping at one last straw. "What about Esme?" I immediately felt guilty when I heard his words.

"Esme left two years ago," he said calmly. "She was beginning to feel lonely without romantic companionship and wished to start traveling. She was hoping to find her mate."

"Her... I... I don't..." I felt myself blushing brightly as I stammered. "I don't understand. I thought..."

Carlisle shook his head. "It is true that we were married, but we were never mates. Like humans, vampires can love many, though our romantic inclinations are forever altered when we meet our mates. Once we have found our mates, it is impossible for us to love another in that fashion."

"I see." I began drifting off into my own world, taking in almost as much information as I had given my vampiric family, but my mental wanderings were short lived when a tiny pixie burst into the room, my daughter perched happily on her shoulders.

Before I could ask anything, she happily interrupted. "Jazz and Em went to their next class, and you might as well give in gracefully, because if you don't, Rose and I will just keep bugging you until you let us help you remove some of the stress of your life. And by stress, I mean you quitting your job and cutting back your school load. Go from full-time student to part time. You'll have a lot more free time for Ali."

I groaned. "Alice."

"I mean it, Bella." She gave me a brilliant grin that did nothing to mask the threat in her chirpy voice. "If you don't give in now, we will just bother you until you do."

I crossed my arms and frowned. "Of course, you see me giving in, don't you?"

"Of course!"

I rolled my eyes and reached for Ali. "C'mere, baby."

"Mommy!" she squealed as she practically flew into my arms. "Alice said her family lives in the woods. She says that we can live there!"

I glared at Alice, knowing that it was going to be harder to say no now. "Ali, we already have a home. You know that we can't move into someone else's. It wouldn't be right."

"But Alice says that I already have a room," Ali whined. "A big purple and pink room with a princess bed."

I wanted to argue so badly. Way too much was happening way too fast, but the truth of the matter was that Ali did not get much of my time, and when she did, I was absolutely exhausted. I was working myself half to death to give her a good life, but I was barely getting by. Even though I was hesitant about accepting their offer, I knew that the Cullens could help provided my baby girl with a much better life than I could, and if I were to be completely honest with myself, I missed them. I missed my family so much.

I felt tears of anger, sadness, happiness, love and exhaustion trickle down my cheeks, and I wiped them hastily away, when my daughter asked if I was all right. "Yes, sweetie. Mommy is fine. Mommy is just a bit tired and very happy."

"Does this mean we're going to stay with Miss Alice's family?"

I sighed and bowed my head. "Yes, baby, I guess it does."

.

**Reviews are like red bras: They give you support and make you feel good!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Of Doctors and Belonging**

I sat in my apartment and stared blankly out of the kitchen window, rubbing one of my hands against my faded jeans as I listened to the sounds of Alice and Rosalie moving around in my daughter's room. At the sounds of Ali's happy giggles, I felt my heart squeeze and tried to ignore the tears welling up in my eyes. I wanted so much to do what was best for Ali, and I knew deep down that Rosalie was right. The days that I did not work, I took on a full college load, and on the days that I did work, I still devoted at least two to four hours to my school work. That was draining in and of itself, but the energy that it took to take care of a four year old zapped what little energy that might have remained.

My daughter deserved better than that.

But at the same time, it seemed too surreal. Too much seemed to be happening at once, and after so many years on my own, I felt like my world was turned completely upside down. I had just gotten to the point where I felt comfortable being on my own and taking care of my own life. Sure, Coop had been willing to lend a hand when needed, but all in all, I took care of Ali and myself all by my little lonesome. Of course, one could argue that I had been mostly taking care of myself since I was a child, given that I had Renee and Charlie for parents. I mean, don't get me wrong, they were good people at heart and they really tried, but they were about as capable of being parents as Cooper was.

I chuckled to myself as I tried to picture the hyper Fitch Cooper taking care of a baby on his own. It was a rather disturbing, yet highly amusing idea. Though he looked nearly identical to Carlisle, his personality was exactly the opposite. Fitch Cooper was loud, hyperactive, insecure, and he hid that insecurity with a cocky, I-couldn't-care-less attitude. This attitude made him seem more like a jerk-off sometimes, instead of the sweet and warm guy that he was underneath. I doubted that many people really understood Cooper the way I did, because if his initial, seemingly shallow attitude did not put people off, his odd quirks and habits would. I could only imagine Carlisle's expression if he ever saw Doctor Cooper dancing through the emergency room singing about gunshot wounds and grabbing nurses' breasts when panicking, and I wonder if someone like Coop would crack Carlisle's enduring patience and calm. I couldn't imagine him allowing Cooper to go on grabbing nurses, and a giggle burst from my lips as I envisioned the younger doctor shaking with nerves before reaching out of habit. I couldn't help but wonder just where Coop would grab Carlisle, and my low chuckle turned into hysterical peals of laughter at the thought.

If Carlisle had been human, I felt sure that Cooper would have probably been enough to give the blond a heart attack. Or an aneurysm.

"That is the first time I have heard you truly laugh since this morning."

I turned to see one of the men of my thoughts standing in the doorway, peering at me with an inviting smile. I tugged self-consciously at my maroon sweater. "I was just thinking about Ali's father. He was actually a very good friend of mine, probably my best friend. He was… special," I said with a short laugh as I watched Carlisle uncross his arms and walk towards me, his eyes glowing with sympathy.

"Did you love him?"

I smiled and shook my head. "No. Well, not romantically anyway. That probably makes no sense to most people, given that we had the occasional sexual fling. He was a very dear friend and nothing more. He was a really nice guy, but he has some personal issues to deal with. We helped each other out, supported each other when needed."

"How did he handle you leaving with his child?" Carlisle asked.

I frowned. "He looked like a kicked puppy. He really did like children, and he was okay with them, but he was just not fit to be a parent at the time and he knew it. I'd never leave Ali alone with him." I gasped, suddenly realizing how bad those words sounded. "I mean, it wasn't like he was a bad guy. He wasn't! It wasn't like he would hurt Ali. He would never hurt her! He just… He sometimes gets so wrapped up in his own little world that he sometimes forgets what's going on around him, about his responsibilities. I was afraid if I ever left her with him for a night that he'd do something brainless, like starting cooking for Ali then forget that he was cooking and end up burning his apartment down." I sighed fondly. "But he did like coming over and playing with Ali. If things got tight for us, he'd help me out any way he could. I'd hoped to take Ali back for Christmas to visit with him, but I just didn't have the time or the money."

The vampire gave me one of his familiar understanding smiles. "Well, then perhaps you and Ali can go back during the quarter breaks."

"Thank you."

As I started at him, I found myself falling into those golden eyes, and I wasn't sure how long I'd been lost in his gaze before I snapped my gaze around to the window again. I knew that he could hear my heart speeding up, and I prayed, fruitlessly, that I would not blush.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

I laughed quietly. "Yeah. Just... I just have a lot to take in right now." I glanced at him before dropping my head into my hands. "When Edward showed up in my life, I started to rely on him. When he left, I relied on the pack. I began losing myself while I was letting people take care of me, and when I moved to New York, I was completely alone and on my own. When I got pregnant, I then not only had to take care of myself, but another person. Just like when I was little. It's... it's just me, Carlisle. Taking care of other people has always been what I've done practically my whole life. If anyone ever tries to take care of me and I let them, I seem to lose myself. I guess that I'm scared of losing myself again, and when the time comes for us or your family to leave, whichever comes first, I don't want to fall back into that dark place, because I've let myself go."

"Oh, Isabella," Carlisle practically cooed at me. "I promise that we will never leave you behind again. I give you my word." He stroked my arms, and I hardly noticed the difference of his cold skin against my warmer flesh. "If ever the time comes when you need or want to leave us, we will let you go in peace, but I swear to you that I and the family will never abandon you again."

I nodded slightly as I studied him carefully, starting with his brilliant and immaculately-styled blond hair. His eyes were still the most amazing shade of gold, like glittering topaz against a pearl and onyx background. His skin was like sweet cream, almost white, but unlike the rest, it seemed to glow even out of the sun. He was truly like a god come to life. It did not surprise me that he wore a light blue shirt under the slate-blue sweater; the colors looked brilliant on him, and I would wager that blue was his favorite, since he wore it so much. Truth be told, I prefer him in the color. It just made him all the more beautiful.

My heart was already pounding out a Samba, and I was sure he probably had a small clue already.

"And if you really feel that you would be losing your independence, then perhaps you can keep volunteering at the hospital?" Carlisle suggested, smirking at my gasp of surprise. "Yes, Alice saw that too. I do not start working for another two weeks, though." He winked, and I could feel the heat rising in my face.

"I... You're going to teach and work at the hospital?" I immediately felt stupid for asking the question, answering myself before he opened his mouth. "Of course. You don't sleep. I'm guessing you'll take the night shifts."

Carlisle shook his head. "No. I will not be there full-time. I am splitting my days between the university and the hospital. I wish to be able to spend my evenings and nights with my family."

I only nodded. I should not have been too surprised. Carlisle was very much a family man, and I knew that his children, like most parents, came above anything else. I tried not to wince as I felt a strain of displeasure fill me at the thoughts that the man in front of me would only view me as another child—he had, after all, helped care for my injuries and gave me gentle fatherly advice. It irked me that I had to have a lingering crush on the man who considered himself to be my second dad. Lovely. Just lovely.

"Bella," he soothed, "I still hold you as part of my family. You always have been and always will be." The tone of his voice clearly showed that he had misunderstood my expression. He simply thought that I was worried that they did not want me.

I mentally scolded myself, angry that I was letting a silly crush continue into my adulthood. I was supposed to be a grown woman. I had a four year old for crying out loud, and here I was still having hopes and fantasies for a man who, though physically my age, was ten times older than my father. Maybe the idea of moving into with the Cullens wasn't such a good one after all.

As if reading my mind, his soft English tenor pulled me from my darkening reverie. "Isabella, when I say that you are part of this family, I mean it. Please do not dishonor me by doubting my words." He stroked my arm when I shudder with guilt. "We wish nothing more than to have you back in our lives again. Please, Isabella? When we left, things with us no longer felt whole. I cannot even pretend to deny that our family was not complete without you, Isabella Swan."

I sighed. "I don't doubt that, Carlisle. Really, I don't. I'm just overwhelmed and stressed right now. That's all." I forced a bright smile on my face. "But I promise that I'll be okay. It will probably just take me a few days to adjust." I tried not to shiver as his golden gaze eyed me doubtfully.

"Of course." He eyed me, almost regretfully before standing. "I think that I shall go help the girls load the truck. Perhaps you should call Ali down here for a snack."

I nodded, knowing this was his subtle way of saying they were going to be moving some things with their vampiric speed and strength. "Ali!" I shouted to the other room. "Come to the kitchen. You need to eat a snack before we go, darling!" The gloom that I had been feeling dissipated immediately when brown curls flew toward me, swinging back and forth as she bounded to my side. I picked her up and sat her in my lap at her gleefully exclamation of "Mommy", and when I'd pressed a kiss to the top of her head, I glanced up to see that Carlisle had disappeared.

.

The room had creamy hard-wood floors with a few rugs of brown, gold and burnt orange placed strategically around the room, and the walls were a soft golden color with white wood baseboards and ceiling trim. The furniture was a slightly darker shade of wood than the floor, as were the headboard and footboard of the four-poster bed. In the far right corner from the bed was a small fireplace, as well as a little glass table and two large comfy chairs of off-white with a gold and orange pattern, sat before the beautiful rock-faced opening. It was beautiful. It was perfect.

So why did I feel completely and utterly unenthused?

I had stayed with Ali all afternoon and evening, playing with her, cooking and sharing dinner with her for the first time in several weeks, and I had just gotten her to bed in her exquisite room that Rosalie and Alice had designed for her. I'd plastered the smile on my face and laughed and cooed along with my daughter. Alice and Rose had want to unveil my room with me to see my reaction, but thankfully, Carlisle had stepped in, arguing on my behalf that I was probably exhausted and just wanted to rest. That was halfway true. The other half of the truth was that I was still having a difficult time coming to grips that the Cullens were back in my life and that I was back in theirs.

The darkest recesses of my mind kept thinking about how Edward had left me, how it had been a struggle to come back to the surface. The worst part of him leaving was that I had not lost just a boyfriend, but a group of beings that I had genuinely come to love as my family—I had lost a my sisters and my brothers. I could not say that I ever _truly_ looked at Carlisle as my own father figure, but I had cared for him greatly, and Esme, too.

_Oh dear God,_ I moaned internally. What on Earth would Esme say if she knew that I had feelings for the man that she had been her husband? Sure, Carlisle had said they were not mates, but they still had to be pretty damn close to have the warm and open connection that had obviously flowed between them. What if Esme came back one day, without a mate and wanting Carlisle back? I knew I would be crushed and want to leave, but now that the Cullens had me back, would they really let me? How could I live with them if Esme returned with me still having feelings for the man she'd married?

I snorted and practically threw my purse on the floor in front of the fireplace. I did not know what the hell I was worrying for. I was just another daughter to Carlisle, and even if he knew about the lingering feelings that I had for him, feelings that I fear would grow if I stayed here, I knew he would just smile at me with such overwhelming kindness and let me down so gently that I would still feel blessed to have him in my life, all the while feeling the burning shame of rejection.

I placed a hand over my eyes momentarily and began squeezing inwards, as if I could massage away the stress by the motion.

I thought about Carlisle and my feelings for him. It was not as if I were head-over-heels in love with him—_of course, you're not_, my mind sarcastically supplied to my growing ire—but I felt that if I let the Cullens, particularly the amiable leader, too deeply into the hidden terrain of my carefully guarded heart that I could grow to love them more than I had before.

I dropped my head against the back of the chair and sighed.

I could remember clearly, as if it had happened yesterday, Doctor Cullen gliding into the emergency room, seeming so relaxed and confident. Despite looking young and drop-dead gorgeous—no pun intended—he acted far more mature than I would have imagined. His voice was calm and reassuring in every way, and from the first words he uttered, I could have wrapped myself in the soft velvet of his tenor voice. The more time I had spent with Edward and his family, I more I'd realized that the gentle, even personality that he carried at the hospital was not reserved just for his patients. He was that warm and compassionate with everyone, and I could always turn to him for advice or even just an ear and shoulder. He never judged me, never spoke down to me; he would just quietly listen and offer various opinions, never pushing one idea or another. He was the kindest, fairest, dearest man that I had ever met, and I suppose it was then, so very early on, that my feelings had developed. They were not anything strong or passionate—I really had loved Edward and only Edward. However, I could not deny that I had felt a connection with the blond vampire and felt a unique fondness that I had never felt for anyone else before.

No matter what it was that I felt for him, I was going to have to tuck it away deep inside my mind, for while I was certain that Carlisle had spoken the truth, I knew that in less than ten years, his family would have to move. There was also the fact that I had a child, a child that would notice something was different about the family and, being a child, would probably tell wild tales to her friends at school. That could not happen… So sooner or later, I and my daughter would be departing from this family. I would lose my family once again.

A knock at the door broke through my thoughts, and I briefly considered ignoring whoever it was, but gave in after a few moments with a heavy sigh and braced myself for the onslaught of the whirlwind that would be Alice's delight. "Come in."

To my surprise, the brilliant blond hair that I dreamed of mussing poked through the doorway, along with his gleaming topaz eyes and caring smile. Even more surprising was the fact that he was wearing dark jeans with his deep blue, buttoned down shirt. Untucked. It was very casual and very unlike his public persona, but it made him look younger and downright sexy! "I was hoping that I might be permitted to speak to you, Isabella?" He halted any the argument welling up within me by adding, "If you are worried that my pixie-child will come bursting in, I should inform you that I've sent the rest out tonight. They will be hunting until about four in the morning."

I chortled. "Was I that apparent, Carlisle?"

He shrugged as he walked farther in, stopping behind the empty chair. "Sadly, Isabella, to a vampire, you are not the most proficient actress of your time. It is quite apparent that you are very unhappy." He quirked an eyebrow when I muttered 'am not' and chuckled when I immediately followed it up with 'okay, maybe'.

I breathed out heavily and gestured to the chair, realizing that he would not sit without my expressed consent. When he was seated comfortably, I shrugged and began talking earnestly. "Yes. I am unhappy. It's not that I am unhappy with your family. I just never expected that you would ever come back into my life. I'm trying to adjust to that while worrying about how having a human family living with you all the time will affect you and the others."

"I cannot believe that having either of you in our home would cause any issues with us, Bella," Carlisle countered. "As Rose queried, how could you possibly cause a disruption to our lives? We do not sleep. There are no longer any issues of control. We do not tire, so we can entertain Ali endlessly, even when you need to rest." He paused, giving me a meaningful glance. "If I am to be thoroughly honest with you, Bella, then I must admit that your accepting and loving nature has been sorely missed, and Ali would indeed be a needed burst of fresh life into our monotonous routines."

I laughed. "Carlisle, when you say it like that, it makes it difficult to argue."

"Then accept my words of wisdom and stop protesting." He smirked slightly, but it grew with the increase of my heart rate. "Are you quite all right, Bella?"

I grumbled under my breath, knowing perfectly well that he would hear me. "Damn vampire hearing." His laughter was infectious and I could not help but smile. I waited for a few moments, letting a comfortable silence over take us, before turning to face him completely. "To be completely honest, Carlisle, my greatest fear isn't that your family might actually leave. It's that you might leave because you had grown tired of us, of me. That you would leave because… you wouldn't want me in your life anymore."

He was kneeling before me in a flash, my hands wrapped in his. "Isabella—"

I shook my head, effectively stopping his words. "Did Edward tell you what he told me when he left me alone in the forest?" I saw his eyes widen for a split second before narrowing, and it suddenly occurred to me that my ex-boyfriend may have not given out that detail of our parting to his family. "I'm guessing not from the look on your face?" I nearly jumped when a low, angry growl escaped Carlisle's throat, his eyes quickly going from gold to black before my own.

"He left you in the woods? Alone?"

"I'm sorry, Carlisle." I swallowed on my words and had to take a moment to regain my tongue. "I should have realized that he wouldn't tell you what happened."

For the first time that I had ever known the kindhearted vampire, he snapped in annoyance, though I knew his ire wasn't actually directed at me. "That is _utterly_ beside the point, Isabella! My son abandoned you. Alone. In the woods. That was a very foolish move on his part. You could have been attacked by a wild animal or worse." He released my hands and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I am almost fearful to ask this, but what exactly did my son tell you?"

"Well," I said, my voice quivering, "I couldn't tell you everything word for word, but basically, he said that he no longer loved me, which I assumed was a lie, and that… that I was nothing more than a distraction, that I was simply a distraction to your family."

He growled again and gently took my face in his hands. "Bella Swan, I assure you that you were _never_ a distraction. You were so much more than that to all of us. Emmett, Alice and even Jasper thought of you as a younger sister. Even though Rose could be harsh, she too cared for you. You were like a daughter to Esme, and she adored you so very much." He bowed his head, sighing. "I can understand that he would want to protect your feelings, but to... I am deeply sorry, Isabella. Had I known, I promise you that we would have not left you behind in such a manner."

I was touched by his words and a part of my mind registered the fact that he had not defined _his_ feelings toward or relationship with me. I did not know whether to be disappointed at the lack of his own thoughts of me or pleased that he had not referenced feeling fatherly toward me. "Carlisle," I said softly. "I'm sorry. I wish now that I'd kept my mouth shut. I don't want to cause tension in your family."

"Bella, I implore you—please do not try to take the blame for things that have happened," Carlisle lightly said. "Our family was led to believe that your position on who and what we are had been... altered by the events of your birthday. The blame lies with Edward for telling us both untruths."

I arched an eyebrow. "So he told me I was a distraction and told you that I was pissed at and-or scared of you. Asshole."

His lips twitched in a grimace. "Yes. I feel I should apologize for that as well."

I groaned. "Carlisle, I was never upset with your family. I was never scared of your family. What happened was an accident! I was extremely klutzy back then. I was bound to put us in that type of position sooner or later. It was just an accident." I pause as a thought occurred to me. "Oh my God! Jasper." I shook my head against the chair's padding. "Poor Jasper. I can only imagine how upset he must have been. Oh, he probably thinks that I still hate him. I—"

"No," he interrupted me. "Jasper was upset, yes, but he is also smart enough and acutely aware of your nature and emotions to know better. He knew you never blamed him. He still felt very badly about it, though."

"I could kick, Edward," I grumbled almost petulantly.

"Believe me, Isabella, my son will be dealt with."

I shook my head vehemently. "No. Please, don't. I know you are angry with him, Carlisle, but if I'm going to be honest, I'm afraid if you talk to him that he'll come back, and while I've moved on, I really want no part of Edward back in my life. I don't want to see him, talk to him, and I certainly don't want have him returning and causing problems for me and Ali. I... I have a chance to be happy, Carlisle, and as cruel as it may sound, I really don't want him ruining another part of my life again."

Carlisle nodded. "Of course, Bella." He rose and returned to his chair, snorting with a bitter laugh. "Although, I am certain even if I were to call him, after nearly five years away from our family, he would not return. However, since your future happiness is involved, I will not take the risk."

I smiled softly. "Thank you, Carlisle. I'm sure this wasn't exactly a pleasant surprise for you, but I'm not sure that I'm ready to deal with him just yet. Or ever." He turned to gaze at me, his dark eyes slowly changing from black, to brown, to an amber color. His lips curled into a warm and inviting smile as he held out his hand to me, and on some instinct, I took it before staring back into the fire. "Thank you."

.

**Reviews are like toilet paper: You never know how much you need it until you sit down on the toilet and there ain't none there!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Breakfast**

I had fallen into a rather restful sleep, and when I woke, Alice was there informing me that they were all playing with Ali downstairs and would watch her while I took a shower and got ready for the day. When I went to perform my morning routines, I was taken aback by the luxuriousness of the bathroom with its marble counters and Jacuzzi tub. It was absolutely spectacular, and after I had scrubbed myself clean and relaxed, I searched through the closet that had apparently been stocked while I slept and pulled out a pair of faded skinny jeans, black stretch-camisole and a dark purple sweater. I guess Alice realized that a mother of a four-year-old could not go running around looking like a runway model.

Now, I was in the kitchen making breakfast for myself and Ali, and I heard a loud guffaw mixed with high pitched squeals that, to my surprise, did not shatter all the glass in the house. "Emmett!" I growled, knowing he could hear me from where he was. "What on Earth are you doing with my daughter to make her shriek like a dying banshee?"

At human speed, Emmett bounded into the room, holding my child by her ankles. She was giggling hysterically as he swung her gently back and forth, and I felt my eyes grow wide with mild horror. As if reading my thoughts, the massive vampire chuckled. "I'm not going to hurt her, Bella, and I'm certainly not going to drop her." With those words, he carefully hefted her up on to his shoulders, where she perched happily and grinned down at me.

"Hi, Mommy!" she laughed. "I beat Uncle Em at wrestling."

I felt my lips tugging upward. "Really?" I quirked my eyebrow at the vampire, who just shrugged. "I hope you didn't hurt Emmett while you were beating him up."

A look of concern played across her small face. She leaned over and looked down at Emmett. "Did I hurt you, Uncle Em?"

He looked about ready to roll with laughter, but he managed to keep a straight face. "No, Ali. I'm okay. I promise."

"See, Mommy! He's okay."

I smiled and turned back to the stove, cracking and scrambling a few eggs. "Ali-dear, do you want milk or juice? We have grape juice."

"Down! Down! Down!" the four-year-old demanded excitedly.

I wheeled around, holding up a hand to Emmett. _"Ali..."_ I drawled in warning.

Her eyes immediately filled with the childlike sadness that appeared in all kids her age when they were scolded for doing something they knew was wrong. "Sorry, Mommy. Sorry, Uncle Em." Before Emmett could ask why she was in trouble, she quietly requested, "Uncle Em, would you please put me down on the floor?"

Emmett set her down and she flew to my side, wrapping herself around my leg. I reached down at patted her head before kneeling down beside her. "That was much better," I praised, smiling when she brightened. "You're a very good girl." I straightened back up as I saw the other four Cullens stroll into the kitchen. "Thank you for the clothes, Alice. You really shouldn't have."

"Actually, that was Rose."

I smiled at Rosalie. "Thank you, Rose. I was wondering why I actually liked my wardrobe." Rose laughed as Alice huffed and pouted, so I stuck my tongue out at the pixie before turning to my daughter. "Ali, ask one of your aunts or uncles to help you set the table and get your juice."

For the past year, my daughter loved trying to do more than she was actually capable of doing alone, but I was not going to deny her anything within reason that she wanted to do, simply because I wanted her to grow up into a capable young woman. So, knowing she loved to set the table, I made sure she had the proper supervision.

I heard her request Rosalie's help and as the scrape of plates and silverware filled the air, I heard, "May I help?" come from somewhere to my right. I glanced to my side to see Carlisle as I began chopping up a pepper for the omelet that I was making myself. I chuckled and shook my head. "If you're worried that I'll slice my fingers open, I can assure you that I'm okay. Having a kid miraculously improved my coordination skills. Let's face it: I can't continue slicing fingers or breaking things every few months."

"More like every few days," Jasper chuckled.

I tossed a smirk behind me. "You know, boy, I'd hate for this knife to slip and magically find its way across the counter."

He snorted. "I'm terrified, darlin'."

I found myself smiling at the familiarity and realized that slipping back in with this family might not be as hard as I had thought. I could not stop the blushing rising to my cheeks when I felt Carlisle move closer to my side and whisper in my ear, "You go sit with Ali. Let me finish up here."

I swallowed and nodded, as if in a daze, and made my way back to my daughter, lifting her up onto a stool at the island as Carlisle made quick work of my omelet. By the time I had Ali settled, various pots and pans were sitting before us, and I began filling her plate. "Thank you, Carlisle."

"Thank you, Uncle Carlisle," Ali repeated before digging into her food.

When four of the five vampires left the kitchen, I was immensely relieved. It was a bit uncomfortable having five people watch you eat. Of course, it was not much better having Carlisle watch us either. I smirked. "Don't you have a class to teach or something?"

He grinned. "Not today. I teach all day on Mondays and Fridays. I teach a morning class on Tuesdays then spend several hours at the hospital, and I am at the hospital on Wednesday and every other weekend. On Thursdays, I'm all yours."

I felt my heart skip a beat before pounding a rhythm double-time, and I could not stop the blush from creeping into my cheeks. I tore my gaze away from his and looked back at Ali, ruffling her curls. "Do you want any more grape juice, sweetie?" I was beyond thankful that she loved juice as much as she did and that she had gulped down ever last drop already, and I jumped to my feet and practically ran to the refrigerator. I grabbed the bottle of juice, shut the door and turned to find Carlisle directly in front of me. I squeaked and dropped the bottle, but he caught it in midair, smiling down at me with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "Oh! Um... Sorry. I..." I stammered.

"Is something the matter, Isabella?" he asked while he gazed at me intently. "You seem to be rather flushed." He leaned over me and whispered in my ear, "And your heart is racing." He pulled back and smirked. "One would think you were feeling... unwell."

I snatched the plastic container from him, frowning. I knew that he knew the affect he was having on me, but did he really have to tease me like this? "I'm quite well, thank you very much." I knew that it was childish, but I practically stomped my way back to Ali and silently poured the juice for her, all but slamming the bottle back down when I was done. When my daughter started at the sudden movement, I leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm sorry, darling. Mommy's not upset. I'm just feeling—" I grimaced, knowing Carlisle was smirking beside me— "unwell."

"Uncle Carlisle's a doctor," Ali supplied with a voice of pride. "He can tell you if you are sick."

I groaned. "Ali-baby, Mommy just has a headache."

"Like when Daddy gave you headaches?"

When Carlisle burst out into laugher, I dropped my head into my hands. "Oh sweet lord," I moaned under my breath. Could this morning get any worse?

"Perhaps, Isabella, I can take Ali outside to eat on the deck," the blond said, amusement saturating his voice. "When she is finished eating, I will watch her while she plays on the playground equipment that Emmett and Jasper bought for her."

I raised my head, my hands still covering part of my face, and I glared at him through one eye. I growled, and I knew he heard it when he smiled brightly. "Fine. Just—" I waved, indicating that I wanted to be left alone. Actually, I wanted _him_ to leave me alone, the smug bastard. _What is up with his behavior anywa_y? Yes, I was sure that he had figured out that my feelings for him were not quite that of a child's to its father, but teasing me this way was just too much.

"Come, Ali," he said as he lifted my daughter from the stool, grabbing her plate and glass and leading her to the door. "Your mommy is not feeling well. She is probably coming down with something."

I glared at his back as he balanced the plate on the glass, but when he opened the door and winked back at me, I gave into an incredibly childish urge. The moment he turned his back to me again, letting Ali step out in front of him, I grabbed an orange from the counter top and hurled it at the back of his head. Of course, it never connected, because his vampiric sense and reflexes allowed him to hear the movement and catch the fruit without ever having looked back. I just huffed when he glanced to me, grinning wickedly, and snatched the fruit from the air when he tossed it back.

"Very mature, Bella." He let the glass door slam behind him, and I glared at his beautiful form while he settled Ali at the patio table outside.

"Bastard," I snarled as I began to hastily eat the rest of my breakfast.

I was so angry. Not at him, but myself. I was angry that I had let his simple banter get to me. He obviously was aware of my response to his presence and had probably only meant to tease me a little, but my blatant reactions were probably too fun to pass up. That was all. He was playing with me. I overreacted and he, like any other male on the planet, could not resist pushing it even farther. That was it. That was all. His words and his closeness meant nothing, absolutely nothing. I was overreacting and behaving like a teenage schoolgirl instead of a twenty-three year old mother, and if I were going to live here for even one more day, I was going to have to get control of myself and my reactions toward him being so near. I could not let myself become attached to this man. I just could not, because there was no way that I could stay with them forever… Yet when golden eyes flickered passed the glass to me, an emotion in them that I was unable to pinpoint, I could not help but wonder if maybe there was a way that I could spend eternity with the rest of my family, with Carlisle.

Involuntarily, against my screaming mind, I felt my lips tug into a soft smile as I held his gaze for a moment, but when he turned his attention back to my daughter, I felt my heart plummet as the cold hard truth that settled in my gut. I kept telling myself that I could not get too close to this family, that I could not let myself feel anything for Carlisle, but the fact of the matter was that I was already close to this family, and I already felt more for the Cullens' leader than I could have ever imagined.

_Damn!_

.

When I saw Carlisle stand and begin walking with Ali down the outside stairs, I quickly retrieved and cleaned all the dishes and pans, then walked back onto the deck to see him pretending to be unable to catch her in a game of chase. Her peals of delight made me smile and chortle lightly, catching Carlisle's attention. Actually, I knew he was already aware that I was outside, but this was the first time he acknowledged my presence since I had walked out onto the deck. I watched as he swept my little girl up into his arms and found myself laughing when she shrieked in surprise before bursting out into giggles. I could not help but think about what an amazing father Carlisle would have been if he had been allowed to live and have children of his own, and as I slowly descended the stairs, I realized that perhaps maybe this was his chance.

Sure, he and his family were not exactly breathing beings with heartbeats, but is that what was required to be a parent or a family? The four younger Cullens looked to him for advice and comfort, being forever stuck as young adults, and before he was changed, a whole town practically looked to him for guidance. So at a very early age, he had taken on more responsibility than most young men his physical age, and no, he and his children were of no biological relation, but they were still family. My family.

"Mommy!"

I was suddenly hit with a brown blur as my daughter wrapped herself around my legs, and I lifted her into my arms, smiling at her glowing face. "Hello, my darling!"

"Are you feeling better, Mommy?" she asked, her little hazel eyes filling with worry.

I stroked her curls and laughed. "Yes, Ali-love, Mommy is feeling much better. I just had some things that I was worrying about, but I realized that I don't need to worry about them just yet."

"Are you all right, Bella?"

I turned to see the vampire studying me, concern apparent in his eyes. I nodded. "Yes. There are some things about the future that trouble me, but I just realized that the future is just that." I kissed Ali's cheek, set her down and gave her a nudge towards the swings. "There will probably come a time in a few years, when I have to leave. Ali and I both will age, and if we stay too long, she'll start to notice that we're getting older and the rest of the family isn't. She's a smart kid... But for now, you're still my family. And hers." I finally glanced back up to meet Carlisle's golden gaze. "I will just have to deal with the future when it gets here." I let Carlisle pull me into his embrace, and I sank into him, closing my eyes and absorbing the emotions of comfort and compassion that he exuded. "I suppose that I'm selfish. I want to keep my family and my daughter. I want what I can't have."

He kissed the top of my head. "Everything will be all right. You should have more faith, Isabella."

"I know, Carlisle." I exhaled wearily. "I know, but it's hard to have faith when you can't see the light."

He chuckled softly in my ear. "Then perhaps I shall have to have faith for the both of us."

"Perhaps," I returned with a smile before stepping away and moving toward Ali. When I opened my arms, she practically jumped into them, and I carried her back over to one of the swings, where I held her in my lap. I felt a shock go through me when Carlisle moved behind us, pushing us lightly. I tightened one arm around Ali and held on to the chain with the other, laughing. "Carlisle, you don't have to stay outside. I'm sure you have something far more important to do than play outside with the two of us."

"I can say with the utmost certainty, Isabella, that there is nothing in this world as important as you or Ali," replied the vampire softly.

I felt a tingle race down my spine and my lips curled into a small smile. "Thank you, Carlisle."

"It is my pleasure entirely, Bella."

I lost track of the time as I alternated playing with my daughter and watching Carlisle play with her. I found it both endearing and amusing to see the normally reserved leader of the powerful vampire coven pretending to lose games of tag and be tackled to the sand by a four year old only a fourth of his size. To my surprise, seeing him with my daughter seemed almost natural. It seemed right.

I sighed as I began thinking about Ali's father. Despite having signed away his rights, Cooper adored Ali, and I could not help but worry about how he would react when he found out that Ali now had such a close family. I knew that Coop would never try to fight to get her back or to keep her with him, but Cooper was very much like a child trapped in a grown man's body, and I knew it would break his heart if he ever thought that Ali might come to love someone else more than him.

"Bella?"

My brown eyes shot toward Carlisle, who was holding Ali's waist as she hung from the monkey bars. "Sorry, Carlisle," I said in a quiet voice. "I'm just thinking about Cooper. He loves Ali dearly and Ali absolutely adores her father, and I'm just worried that... I don't want him to think that anyone is taking his place, and I don't want her to forget about him. I suppose that I need to call him very soon and let them talk. They haven't talked to each other in a couple of weeks."

"If you would like," he called over, "I could have Emmett pick up a webcam, that way they could see each other. We already have internet—how could we not with Alice in the house?—so it would not be any trouble to get a camera so you could video call each other."

I blinked. Carlisle would really do that? I shook my head at my own question and bite back a laugh. Of course, he would. He was Carlisle Cullen, all around good guy and gentleman extraordinaire. "Thank you, Carlisle. I would appreciate that a lot. I... I don't even know how I could ever repay you for your kindness."

"I can." He swept Ali off of the steel bars and onto his shoulders, smiling up at her when her fingers began tousling his perfect blond locks. When he was right beside me, he gently sat her on the swing next to me and pulled the chains back slightly, before letting go. He chuckled when she giggled gleefully. "Stay with us." He gave my daughter another small push before moving to stand behind me, dropping a kiss onto my chocolate curls. "Stay with us, Bella. That is all you have to do."

I yelped in surprise when he suddenly gave me a slightly harder push than Ali and the swing went soaring forward. A split second after it registered in my brain, I leaned backward and laughed. "Carlisle! I can't stay forever."

"Can't you?"

"I have a baby!"

"You have a four year old."

"Fine. I have a child."

"We have control."

"You don't age," I whispered under my breath. "And she's a child."

"We can home-school her."

"Carlisle," I growled, the sound turning into a gasp when the swing came to an abrupt stop with the vampire in question kneeling in front of me.

"Isabella," he said calmly, "you and Ali are my family."

I rolled my eyes. "You are just not going to give this up, are you?"

He smiled softly and his topaz eyes seemed to glow as he raised his hand to cup my cheek. "I'm not going to give _you_ up." He paused for a moment when I gasped, as if letting me take in and process his words. "Or Ali. You _are_ my family, and I am not letting you go."

I dropped my head into my hands and moaned. I really did not have the energy to be arguing about this today, and I let him know it. He seemed pleased that I was not going to continue fighting, at least not at the present time anyway, and it was when I let out a heavy sigh that my darling daughter spoke up for attention, asking, "Mommy, is Uncle Carlisle giving you a headache like Daddy?" There was a moment of silence, and I looked up in time to see her giving Carlisle a serious look. "Whenever Mommy has a headache, Daddy always tells her to take a Midol, so she might need one for her headache."

I was horrified not only by the embarrassing words that spewed so innocently from my child's mouth, but by the fact that the blond in front of me was visibly shaking with repressed laughter. "Carlisle Cullen, it is _not_ funny!" When he lost the battle and burst out laughing, I glared before turning my eyes on my daughter, who had very quickly realized that Mommy was not happy. "Alicia Rosalyn Cooper!"

She knew from her full name that I meant business and immediately her eyes watered, reminding me so much of her father when he was upset that it almost took my breath away. For a split second, I forgot my anger and wondered how the Cullens had not realized the similarities between Ali's facial structure and Carlisle's—Coop and Carlisle could pass for twins, after all. But then again, that was all there was, because their hair color and eye color was different, plus my daughter also carried my characteristics as well, so the resemblance would not be overly noticeable. But I was getting off track.

"We are going inside, right now!" When a little tear trickled down her cheek, I felt my heart break. It was only after having Ali that I understood the parental cliché 'it hurts me more than it hurts you'. I hated seeing her so upset. She looked like an eager puppy that had been kicked away from its master. "Ali, I'm not angry. It's just time for lunch. Okay?" I smiled when her eyes brightened and she threw herself into my arms.

To be fair, it was difficult to punish a child for saying something that they could not possibly comprehend, and like her father, Ali was too easily hurt—just a simple glare could break her little world into. "How would you like a grilled cheese sandwich?" I asked, instantly receiving claps and squeaks of delight. It was Ali's comfort food of choice, and no matter what she had done, she knew that if she got a grilled cheese, Mommy was no longer upset with her. Cheese was to my child like candy and ice cream were to most children. "I take that as a yes?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

When we entered the kitchen, I realized that it was practically spotless and my child was... well, slightly less spotless. "I think that we need to take a bath before eating." I made my way upstairs, feeling Carlisle right behind me. Just remembering him rolling around in the dirt had me chuckling.

"And what, pray tell, Miss Swan, is so amusing?" the soft tenor voice questioned from behind me.

"Just thinking about the Carlisle Cullen getting dirty," I retorted with a smirk. As I opened the door, Ali squirmed out of my grasp and ran into my bedroom, heading for the bathroom, all the while giggling about having a bubble bath.

"Would it surprise you, Isabella, to learn that on occasion I enjoy getting dirty?" Carlisle whispered as he moved behind me. "And you? Do you enjoying… getting dirty?"

My mouth dropped open, and I stopped breathing all together. I do not know how long I stood there, gaping at the wall, my body temporarily paralyzed, but finally I felt air rush into my lungs and turned my head, my dark eyes settling on his smirking face. To my utter horror, the only words that passed my lips were "Depends on who I'm playing with."

His eyes darkened and his lips curled into a filthy grin. "I must keep that in mind."

I shivered as his cold breath caressed my neck, his mouth only inches from my pulse. _Oh sweet lord, what have I gotten myself into? Me and my big mouth!_ As his hands settled on my shoulders, stroking downwards to grasp my arms and pull my back towards his chest, all I could think was _I'm in_ so _much trouble!_

"Mommy!"

_Oh, thank you, sweet Jesus!_

My child bounded up to us, waving a bottle of strawberry scented bubble bath furiously. "Can I have a bubble bath? Please, Mommy? Please?"

"Of course, sweetie," I said, hoping that my voice did not sound as utterly relieved as I think it did. "Let's go ahead and start your bath, so we can go eat!" I stepped into the room, nervously catching Carlisle's intense gaze.

"We will talk about this later, Isabella."

I nodded and slowly closed the door to my bedroom, hoping and praying to every deity that I had ever learned about in school that I could find ways of putting off 'The Talk'. Thankfully, he worked tomorrow. Saturday could be problematic, but I realized that I could easily take care of that with a trip to see my dad. ...Yes. I was sure that I could avoid Carlisle. That would be my newest goal in life: Avoid Carlisle Cullen.

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**Reviews are like clockwork: They make the machine tick!**

**A/N:** It did not occur to me, until now, that maybe there are a few of you who might not know just who Cooper is and that you're probably wondering why the heck I'm putting in a strange character who, supposedly, looks identical to Carlisle. The answer is because Cooper is a pre-existing character, who looks almost identical to Carlisle, and the reason for this is because Peter Facinelli plays both roles. Amusingly enough, both roles are doctors. What's great though is that you can tell when he is/was shooting both roles at the same time, because Cooper will suddenly look a little paler than normal on the tv show Nurse Jackie.


	4. Chapter 4

**Bring Me to Life**

I had successfully managed to keep Ali and myself busy all Saturday with a trip to Forks, where I visited with my dad and Sue, Jake and his wife Coralee and the rest of the pack. It seemed that Jake was now the alpha male, the whining teenage boy having grown up into a responsible man, and I was so proud of him.

He had seemed unsurprised when I told him about the Cullens, and to my ultimate shock, he had handled the news that I was living with them rather well. Apparently, the majority of his hatred of them stemmed from Edward. Of course, he was not overly thrilled with my choice to continue to associate with vampires, but we were now both grown adults and he knew that there was nothing that he could do or say to stop me if this was how I chose to live. He did, however, remind me of the treaty and informed me that if I ever chose to be changed that the change could not take place within the state of Washington and that we could not return until the current generation of wolves had passed on.

I had explained to him that due to Ali, I doubted that I would be with the Cullens for more than a few years, that I could not risk my child accidentally exposing them, nor could I stay and have them watch me age and die.

I had effectively avoided Carlisle that evening and had made arrangements to see Angela Weber on Sunday. We spent the day shopping for us, shopping for Ali, getting manicures and pedicures—Ali had been delighted when I had allowed her to have her nails painted the lightest shade of pink, bragging that she was a big girl now—and watching Disney movies in the evening while eating pizza. I had kept out his way while getting my daughter to bed and slipped into my own rooms, locking them behind me and finishing a second night with hardly any contact with the leader of the Cullen clan.

Now it was Monday, and though Ali had played in the hospital's daycare center while I worked a few hours in the emergency room, I unfortunately had to take her to her sitter and go to my class. This meant that I was presently seated in the back of the large lecture hall, trying desperately not to look up at the vampire that seemed intent on staring holes through my person. I was doing quite well until I felt something tickle my wrist and looked down to see a pale hand shoving a piece of paper at me. I shot an annoyed look at the only other Cullen who seemed to enjoy medical sciences, and then took the paper to read her message.

_We know what you're doing!_

I rolled my eyes. _First of all, who is 'we'? Secondly, passing notes, Rose? Seriously? How old are you again?_ A few moments later, I felt another brush and saw _Old enough to be your grandmother, but that's not the point. And 'we' is mostly Carlisle and Alice, but frankly, it's obvious to me and the rest of the family._

I suppressed a growled and scribbled _What is so obvious, Rose?_

_Did you and Carlisle have a fight?_

_No._

_Then why are you refusing to have anything to do with him?_

_OMG! I have a life, ya know. I have a kid and friends outside of your family. I'm sorry if Carlisle thinks I'm ignoring him._

_He doesn't think, Bella. He knows. Btw, say pulmonary edema._

What on Earth was she—

"Miss Swan?"

I groaned internally. I wanted to throttle Carlisle, then fall through the floor. I could not believe he was actually calling me out. Why could he not pick on Rose? She started it! _Yes, Bella,_ I argued internally with myself. _That is a very mature argument right there._ I glanced at the marker board, seeing a key phrase, and smiled. "Pink frothy sputum is indicative of pulmonary edema." Without waiting for him to question me, I continued, "Basically, the left ventricle is unable to pump out enough of the blood that it gets back from the lungs. When that happens, pressure builds in the left atrium and then the pulmonary veins and capillaries. That causes fluid to be push through the capillary walls into the air sacs. If untreated, it can lead to ascites, pleural effusion, congestion of the liver..."

"And how you would test for that, Miss Swan?"

I could not help but blush under his intent gaze. "I would draw ABGs, check the BNP levels. Of course, you'd do a CXR, ECG, TEE. Echocardiography can show valve problems, abnormal activity of the ventricular walls, pericardial effusion and congenital heart defects. It also measures ejection fraction, and of course, there is always cardiac catheterization."

"And how would you go about treating your patient, Miss Swan?" There was a slight curl to his lips that I was sure only the people who knew Carlisle well would catch and interpret appropriately. He was proud of me and that made me happier than I would have imagined.

"Well, the initial focus should be on maintaining adequate oxygenation. You want to make sure the patient receives high-flow oxygen. In severe cases, I'd say CPAP or VPAP. After that, you'd give preload reducers. Nitroglycerin and furosemide dilate the veins, which decreases fluid pressure to the lungs and heart. Narcotics can be used to relieve shortness of breath, although some doctors now believe that when it comes to morphine, the risks outweigh the benefits. Of course, you'd give afterload reducers to help dilate the peripheral vessels and take the pressure load off of the left ventricle. Enalapril or captopril would work." I watched as he smiled brightly and resisted the urge to giggle like a school girl.

"Very good, Miss Swan." With a last smile, he continued with the lecture.

Thankfully, Rose seemed to be done interrogating me for the day, and I was able to go back to listening to Carlisle's soft English accent while astutely ignoring him. Unfortunately, after my two-hour break, my second class would also be with him. _Damn it!_ Carlisle was right: There was a God, and he obviously hated me. And it was as I was pondering these thoughts after packing up my books that I slowly turned to see Carlisle making his way toward me and a grinning Rosalie, who commandeered my bags and informed me that she would wait for me in the cafeteria. I frowned as I took a few steps forward and settled myself against the high corner of one of the theatre seats. "Can I help you, Doctor Cullen?"

"There is a matter that I need to speak with you about in private."

"Seriously, Carlisle?" I sighed under my breath. "Do we really have to do this now?"

Instead of answering me, he gently slid his hand behind my lower back and led me out of the lecture hall and into a nearby empty classroom, making sure to close the door behind us. "Isabella," he began slowly. It was obvious that he was trying to figure out how to start this conversation without upsetting me and having me pulling away again. "I must beg your apologies if my behavior towards you has truly made you so uncomfortable to be in my presence."

"Carlisle, it's not that," I attempted to argue, only to hear him murmur 'Is it not?' in retort. I groaned and flopped down in a nearby chair. "Carlisle, I just... Look, I care about you. Really, I do, but I have a child."

"Bella," he practically cooed as he knelt in front of me. "I do wish that you would have more faith in my feelings for you. I understand that Ali is young and she needs a mother, a human mother, and I would never presume to change you when she is at such a delicate age. I would never take that from you or her, if that is what you are worried about."

I sighed and leaned forward, resting my forehead against his. "Carlisle, unlike you, I'm not going to be young forever."

He stroked my hair lovingly. "Is that what you are worried about? That I am going to somehow stop caring for you simply because you grow a few years older than I? I can assure you that will not matter to me in the slightest."

I quirked an eyebrow at him. "Just when were you hoping to change me?"

He chuckled. "While I am quite sure than I cannot convince your maternal mind otherwise, Ali is not precisely a baby anymore, Bella. Though she is yet a young child, in four, five or six years, she will be old enough to tend to herself for the most part. While someone will need to cook for her, she will be able to retrieve food on her own and be able to bathe herself, and with the level of intelligence that she seems to possess, I highly doubt that she will let the nature of her family slip to anyone. And if you are worried about what will happen when you are a newborn, I can assure you that the family will not let you harm Ali in anyway. Between Alice's foresight, mine and Rosalie's speed, Emmett's strength and, more importantly, Jasper's ability to manipulate moods, you will in no way hurt your child."

He caressed my cheek and lifted my face to gaze at me with topaz eyes. "Isabella, you cannot imagine how long I have waited to have you with me in my life. When you loved Edward, there were days that I felt that I would not be able survive the pain in my soul, but I lived for only your happiness. You seemed to be happy with my son, so I let you go. I was unaware of the trials that you endured upon our departure, and when I once was made aware of the goings on in your life, you seemed happy. When Alice said that sadness was coming to your life, I knew that I had to come to you, and now that you are once again a part of my life, I know that I cannot lose you to death. I would die of a broken heart if your spirit were to leave this world, Bella. I have waited centuries, and in you, I have finally found my ma—"

I immediately covered his mouth with my hand, and I winced at the hurt in his eyes. I bowed my head and sighed. "While I care about you, Carlisle, that is too much for me to bear at the moment. This is something that I have to take day at I time."

He nodded and raised up to press a kiss near my temple. "Of course," he mumbled into my hair. "The only request that I have of you is that you do not push me away, Bella. I give you my word that I will never ask to change you until you and Ali are ready. Until then, just be happy with me. Let me love you."

I moaned softly as I let him pull me into his embrace, nestling my face against his neck, and he buried his face in my hair. "Why is that I find myself wanting to give into you?"

He chuckled and began to gently massage my back. "Because you love me."

I was too anxious to answer, so I simply nodded slightly before raising my head. I smiled at him fondly and kissed his cheek. "You're going to be late to your lecture." I gave him a nudge toward the door and sighed heavily once I was alone in the computer room. _So much for avoiding Carlisle._

_._

I did not know why I was so disturbed by the fact that Carlisle had yet to come home. While I knew that he was probably not exactly _ecstatic_ about my choice to take things slowly, I was fairly certain that Carlisle's maturity would not let him stay away from me simply out of hurt feelings. Yet the thought would not leave my mind: _Had_ I hurt him so badly by refusing to acknowledge that we were mates that he could no longer bear to be around me?

I blew out a hard breath and barely resisted the urge to jump up and start pacing.

His last class was scheduled to end around three-thirty in the afternoon. I had put Ali to bed at seven and it was now seven-twenty.

"Bella-darlin'," Jasper drawled, his shoulders tense as he gripped Alice's hand tightly, "you're killin' me here. Could you try an' relax? Carlisle probably went to the hospital to finish up some paperwork an' got pulled into an emergency or somethin'. With him bein' licensed an' employee of the hospital, if there was a major accident, he would be required to stay, even if he hasn't started yet."

I knew he was right. He had to be. He would not have been gone this long unless he had gotten pulled into some kind of unavoidable accident. I just needed to calm down and relax. Everything would be okay. Carlisle was a mature man—well, vampire—and if he had been truly disturbed by my decision, he would have sought me out to talk about it, not walk away and pout. I was being silly. Sighing heavily and throwing an apologetic glance at Rose. "Do you mind listening out for Ali? I think that I'm going to go outside for awhile and just... breathe."

"Bella, you never have to ask that," the blonde said with a brilliant smile. "I adore Ali and will always look at out for her when you're not around." She shooed me away. "Go relax. If she wakes up, I'll be right there with her. Go!"

"Thanks, Rose."

She grinned and nodded, and I left my family in silence, making my way through the kitchen and out the backdoor. I did not bother turning the porch lights on, which would have been dangerous five years ago. However, having a child forced me to pay more attention to what I was doing and my instincts were sharper now than they had been when I was a teenager. Of course, they were nowhere near as keen as the vampires I lived with, but for a human, they were a bit above normal now.

I plopped down onto one of the higher swings and gently kicked, swaying back and forth only slightly as the many overwhelming emotions washed over me. I wanted to cry. I just wanted to break down under the weight of it all and sob until it was all gone. But I could not. I could not allow myself that luxury, because if I did, I was not so certain that I could stop. I wanted to scream that this was not fair. What had felt like a crush for so long was actually the constant pull of my mate, and I wanted to yell at him that it was so unfair for him to put me in this position. He had denied me the knowledge of being my mate, letting me fall in love with someone else, and he could have stopped me from going to New York. Of course, then I would not have my beautiful daughter, but now I was in the awkward position of having a vampire for a mate and a human child. Those circumstances alone were enough to deal with, but when one added to it the months of stress of trying to balance work, school and a child, it was utterly exhausting. There were some that might think that such an opportunity would be nothing more than a complete relief, when the truth of the matter was that it was like a blood pressure cuff being squeezed too tight and kept that way for too long then released. The sudden return of blood was not pleasant, but uncomfortable.

I moaned in frustration before kicking off hard, gripping the chains and pumping my legs until I was soaring the through the air, my hair flying wildly around me. The affect was immediate! And sure, a small part of me felt rather silly—I was a grown woman with a child, after all—but there was something about the sheer simplicity of the childlike behavior that was so freeing, so enriching, that I could not help but giggle in utter delight. I was not sure how long I had been on the swinging, or laughing, but a sudden gust of air alerted me to his presence. "Hello, Carlisle," I said softly, slowing to a stop and gazing at him, where he stood in shadows against one of the thick wooden beams of the swing set. "I was worried."

"I got caught up at the hospital," he explained regretfully. "It was a multi-car collision. One fatality and there are two more than might not make it through the night. It was rather unpleasant. I sent everyone a text as soon as I left the hospital. Jasper sent one back saying that you were quite worried, and that I should return home as soon as possible. I do apologize."

I shook my head. "Don't be." I shrugged and glanced away to stare into the darkness. "I was just being silly." I pushed myself slightly, hoping the gentle sway would calm my nerves and raging emotions. I did not want to cry in front of Carlisle, and I certainly did not want him to feel guilty. "I've just had a rough couple of days, emotionally speaking. I'm having a harder time adjusting that I thought."

He never said a word, just stood and watched me, giving me space to think and talk, if I so chose, allowing me to draw on his compassionate nature and the waves of love and understanding that poured from him.

"I feel like I have way too much to think about," I sighed, fighting back the tears, "and most of it involves Ali. Don't get me wrong, I love her with my whole heart, but I was only nineteen when I had her. And I... It's not like when I was kid and was taking care of a pet. She's a child. A living breathing person, whose entire being depends on every choice I make. Every single day when I wake up, I worry if I'm going to make it through the day and not screw up. I have to carefully balance what will make her happy with what will benefit her, what will keep her safe and healthy, both physically and emotionally. And there are so many times when I think that it's never enough, that I'm not doing enough, that I could somehow be a better mother to her." He moved silently to sit on the swing beside me and offered me his hand, which I took immediately. "What would she think about this, Carlisle?" I questioned, looking at him helplessly. "Not just being able to accept the knowledge of vampire, but how will it affect her in the future, when her heart's breaking and all she wants is the soft and warm comfort of a mother and all there is left to hold is cold, hard stone? What about when she's an adult, Carlisle? Do I let her grow old and die? Do I risk the Volturi finding out about her and killing her? Do I beg her, force her to change? What do I do, Carlisle?"

He squeezed my hand and a sad sigh escaped his lips. "I wish that I could give you the answers, Isabella, but I will say that as much as I have stated that I cannot let you go, that I cannot survive without you, if this burden becomes so great that you can no longer bear it and you wish to leave me behind, I will not stop you. I would not see you so unhappy."

When he stood to leave, the dam that had been holding back all of the emotions broke, and I jumped to my feet, following behind him, shouting. "Tell me! You came back for me, Carlisle, so goddamnit, tell me what I'm supposed to do!" I immediately bit my lip as I realized what I had just done.

He froze, and I could see the silhouette of his head bow before he turned to me, taking my body in his arms and kissing the top of my head. "I am so sorry for the pain that I have caused you, Isabella. Perhaps Alice was wrong and it was our presence that has caused this grief... I am sorry. I will make arrangements for you and Ali to be taken care of, for as long as you both live, and I will leave you in peace."

He disappeared into the night, and I felt the pain instantly, like a gaping hole in the certain of my being. How I was supposed to balance the two parts of my life, I did not know. All I did know was that I suddenly felt sick. I was aware of the wetness from the grass soaking my jeans as I hit my knees, my arms clutched around my waist as I sobbed violently, gagging on my own grief. "Please," I begged to the thin air. "I can't do this without you. Don't leave me."

I felt like I was going to vomit as my body lurched forward and trembled violently under the weight of my emotions and the excruciating loss that seemed to engulf me with Carlisle's departure. Still clutching my abdomen with one hand, the other shot forward and my fingers curled in the dirt as I screamed in pain and grief at the knowledge that he would be leaving for good and would eventually seek his death. I swayed back and forward, weeping uncontrollably and calling his name in a harsh whisper. I wanted to curl up into a ball and just go blank, become a zombie like when the family left the first, but I could not. I could not do that. I had Ali, and I had to believe that Carlisle would come back, that he would not break his promise and abandon me.

The rain was pouring down on me, so I was soaked to the skin as I tried to clamber to my feet, and I was barely upright when I stumbled for the first time in four years. I never hit the ground, and I closed my eyes as two cold arms lifted me and cradled me to his chest. 'I'm sorry' was the only thing that I could whisper, losing my voice in emotions crushing down on me. I buried my face against his neck and held on for dear life, shivering from an agonizing combination of feelings and the cold wet rain soaking my skin.

He did not speed away as I thought he would, but carried me at a human pace up the stairs and into the house. His grip tightened on me, and I opened my eyes to see the four younger vampires staring at me in sympathy.

"I'm sorry," Alice mumbled. "I didn't realize this would be so hard for you. I'm sorry, Bella."

I shook my head and managed to slur out, "S'okay."

He held onto to me firmly as he carried me up the stairs to my room, where I thought he would leave me, but to my surprise, he continued into my bathroom and sat me on the edge of the two-person Jacuzzi, turning on the water before turning his attention back to me. He lifted one foot, untying my tennis shoe and pulling it, along with my sock, off. Without a word, he repeated the action with my other foot. When he realized that I was staring at him, he glanced back up at me, and I was struck at the emptiness in his dark eyes. It was like all the life and hope had been sucked from him, and it was my fault. "I am sorry, Bella," he murmured, the normally velvety accent sound dull. "I never meant to cause you this pain. Had I known that I would bring you this agony, I would never have come for you. You would have been better off without my presence."

"That's not true, Carlisle," I argued.

He rose, moving to the sink that the shower to retrieve my hair brush and shampoo. "Obviously, it is. You are miserable, and it is clearly our being in your life again that has done this." He gently gripped my elbows and lifted me to my feet, before reaching down to clasp the hem of my shirt and pulling the material up over my head before tossing it into the hamper. "Tomorrow, I will have your things moved into a new apartment. You will not need to worry about rent or your tuition. I will have a large sum of my billions deposited into your bank account."

I stared at him in horror at his meaning. "Carlisle, don't do this."

"I need to know that you are taken care of," he said simply as he undid my jeans and slipped them from me, "and that you are happy."

"Carlisle, you can't leave me," I whispered, pleading with him as he removed my bra and panties. "I know that right now, I seem—"

"You are in pain, Bella," interrupted, wrapping his arms around me and preparing to lift me into the tub.

I stopped him, knowing that if he placed himself behind me that would be the end of the conversation. "That's part of life, Carlisle," I argued. "I know that you haven't lived in almost four hundred years, but unlike you, my life and my moods and my emotions change quite regularly. Right now, I am stressed, overwhelmed and scared—"

"And you shouldn't be."

"Yes, I should, Carlisle!" I practically shouted. "Negative emotions, pain, grief—all of it is as much a part of human life as joy and love. I went through something similar when I moved to New York. It's why I have Ali!" I threw up my hands. "Do you really think I planned to have Ali? I got pregnant with her because I was hurt and confused, and everything turned out fine then. I found myself. I found friends. I had a beautiful child, and after awhile, life once again changed and I needed to move on from that place. Life changes and people get overwhelmed, but unlike vampires, humans are meant to adapt and survive, and I will... unless you leave me, Carlisle." By now, tears were pouring down my cheeks. "I didn't think that... I didn't know that it would be so... If what I felt outside was just a small taste of what I will have to live with without you now, I don't know if I can. For awhile, I'm sure I could force myself to survive for Ali, but after awhile, I would collapse under all of it. I can't live without you, Carlisle."

I saw a spark in his eyes and pressed further. "I won't lie to you. Right now, I am overwhelmed and confused because I have so much that I feel responsible for, but you have to be patient and give me time to sort out everything that I'm feeling. The stress and confusion of my life makes me think, makes me work harder, and in the end, I'm always a better person for it." I stepped toward him and placed my hands on his shoulders. "I am so sorry that I hurt you, Carlisle. You cannot imagine how sorry I am for that, and I'm trying. I am trying so hard to adjust as quickly as I can because I want so much to be with you, but it's too much to deal with in just the span of a few days." I stood on tip-toe and gazed into his still-dark eyes. "I need you, Carlisle Cullen. I need you in my life, my heart, my soul... but you must be patient with me. If you can just give me time, in time, I can give you my life."

His eyes lightened, once again gleaming topaz as the darkness that had shrouded him for those moments vanished. His arms slipped around my waist and he pulled my close to his body, lowering his lips to the crown of my head. "Forgive me, Bella. I made you a promise to never leave you, and I was so close to doing so in the most terrible and permanent way."

"I would not be at all pleased with you, Carlisle Cullen, if you had someone take you life when you know very well that I am your mate and that I need you."

His lips parted in surprise as I said the words, but to his credit, he said nothing, taking my words to heart and giving me whatever space and time I needed. He did, however, scoop me up into his arms and lower me gently into the hot water, the forceful jets easing my tense muscles. He knelt behind me and slowly washed my body and hair, and I realized as he continued to lavish me with attention and care, that in time, I could probably get used to this.

.

**Reviews are like puppies: They make you very happy!**


	5. Chapter 5

**What You Are**

I was not too surprised at the patience he showed me when helping dress me for bed, my body too depleted to really move on its own. He truly did not seem to be bothered by my silent need for assistance and cared for me with such tenderness that I felt guilty for my earlier outburst, realizing that it was only me that expected too much of myself. If I was Carlisle's mate—and it had quickly becoming apparent that I was—than it was no surprise that a previously unseen flirtatious nature would surface from within him, as this was probably part of the bonding process between vampires and their mates. But despite the flirting, he had not actually pushed me into anything. My own anxiety and fear was overtaking me and I had taken it out on him.

When he pulled back the covers and helped ease me down into the bed, I caught his wrist, my eyes widening in panic. "Carlisle," I whispered, "you aren't going to leave me, are you?"

He drew the thick blanket up around me then sat down on the edge of the bed and reached down to stroke my cheek. "No, Bella. I am not going to leave you, not tonight, not ever. Even if you choose to leave me in the future, I will always be there caring for you from afar. I will walk this Earth until the day your spirit leaves it."

I felt my eyes watering. "Promise me that this can work. Promise that you will give me time, and I promise, Carlisle, that I will give everything that I am to you."

He slipped off the bed, knelt beside it and took my hand in his. "I am so sorry, Isabella, if I pushed you too hard or too far. I never meant to." He kissed my knuckles. "I cannot tell you what will happen in the future. I cannot tell you how Ali will accept her family being vampires or you being changed. I can tell you that I will respect any decision that you make, whether you choose now or in the future. I can tell you that I will always be by your side to support you, that no matter what the future does bring that I will always be there to help you through it, if you will have me."

I pressed my forehead to the back of his cool hand. "Am I really...?" I could not finish the question. It was one thing to accept it in my heart, but to speak it out loud. I was not quite ready for the step, especially when neither of us was sure of what could happen down the road that stretched before us.

"Yes," he murmured passionately, "you are."

I closed my eyes briefly when I nodded then opened them to peer into his glistening topaz gaze. "Carlisle, after all that I have done today, is it too much to ask for you to stay with me tonight? To hold me while I sleep?"

He kissed the tip of my nose and smiled tenderly. "No, Isabella. I doubt there is anything that you could ask of me that would ever be too much for me to give you." He was suddenly behind me, wrapping me ever so gently in his cool embrace. "Sleep, Isabella. You have been presented with far more information far too soon than you should have been, and for that I am sorry. Try to sleep, my dearest. I will not leave you, I promise."

I sighed heavily and closed my eyes, feeling him stroke my arms and my back slowly, relaxing away the seemingly ever-present tension that my mind seemed determined to hold onto. I could feel myself buzzing heavily as sleep overtook me and could vaguely hear Carlisle whispering in my ear. I could not, however, make out the exact words as I slipped into unconsciousness.

When I awoke, his arms were still wrapped firmly around me. A perk of being a vampire, I supposed, was that your arm would never go numb. I stretched in his embrace and rolled over to gaze at him apologetically. "Carlisle, I am sorry about last night. Everything seems to be happening so fast that I find myself struggling with what's up and what's down. It's overwhelming some moments, and I feel so horribly guilty feeling the way I do about you, but being torn in another direction because of my child. I feel that no matter what choice I make, no matter what that choice is or when I make it, that it will always be unfair to one or the other, and it's not just about the change. I'm worried that..." I sighed again, not wanting to approach this conversation, because I didn't want to hurt him.

"Bella, you can tell me whatever it is," he said softly as he stroked my hair. "I will not be offended or hurt."

I stared into his eyes. "If it were just me, Carlisle, I could easily give you all of my time, my attention, my affection, but I have Ali. I'm worried that with the time she requires that you will feel—"

"Isabella," he said firmly, causing me to bite my lip. "If you are worried that I will become jealous or angry of the time that you spend with your daughter then your fears are utterly unfounded. Ali is your child. If you were to choose to spend more time with me than with her, I would seriously begin to doubt your capabilities as a mother. Believe it or not, Bella, I am more content than you could imagine simply by being in your presence. Thursday morning, being outside with you and Ali, was truly the happiest moment of all the centuries that I have existed. Having both of you—_both_ of you—in my life, Bella, brings me more joy than I have ever known." He smiled at me lovingly. "Though I adore you, I would never dream of changing you without you being entirely certain of what you wish to do. I would never change moments like those until everyone involved was ready."

I nibbled on my lower lip again, craving the comfort of his arms, but nervous as to embrace him, not knowing how he would take it.

"Whatever is the matter, Bella?"

"Truthfully?"

"Truthfully, Isabella."

I licked my lips. "All I want is to be held, to just cry, to let everything go and forget that everything exists, even if for one moment."

"Oh, my Isabella," he cooed sweetly, pulling me into his strong embrace and guiding my head to his shoulder, where I buried my face and let the tears come. He hummed soft reassurances to me as he held me tightly with one arm, the other hand stroking my hair in a manner similar to how I soothed my own child. When I was finally calm, he tipped my face up to his. "Isabella, I want you to listen to me carefully," he practically purred. "I will always be here for you, however you need me. If you simply want someone to talk to, I will listen. If you want someone to take care of you, I will always do so without a moment's hesitation. If you ever need a lover, even if it is for only one night, then I will attend to your every need, even if you simply want me as a friend the very next night. I would never complain. I would never push. Whatever you can give, until the day that you are ready to be mine completely, I will accept gladly."

I buried my face in his shoulder again, murmuring, "I'm sorry, Carlisle."

"For what?"

"For not having enough faith."

I felt him press his lips into my chocolate waves. "I have told you, Bella, that I will have enough faith for both of us. Simply take care of Ali and allow me to take care of you. Just live your life from day to day and be happy." He gripped my chin again and gave me a chaste kiss to the corner of my mouth. "While I would love to continue holding you like this, Ali is waking up. She will want you."

I stretched again with a loud moan before hopping out of bed, grabbing some clothes and traipsing into my luxurious bathroom. As I let the hot water pour over my body, sighing in pleasure from the soothing heat, I thought about what Carlisle had said and how patient he was being with me. It was a testament to his enduring patience. There were not many mortal men who could take the stressful baggage that came with a single mother, but Carlisle seemed more than willing to not only accept everything that came along with my motherhood, but to help me and support me in any and every way. I was grateful and incredibly touched to have this wonderful man in my life, to have such a compassionate and caring being want so much, yet at the same exact time so very little from me. It was a nice change.

Cooper and I had never really been more than best friends with benefits and most of the young men I'd met were not exactly overly eager to be with a young mother, at least when it meant that her time was limited and said men were not the young mother's sole priority. So for me, Carlisle Cullen was definitely a refreshing change of pace, but then again, I should have expected nothing less from him. He was a vampire and nearly four hundred years old—the man had the patience of a saint and the most compassionate and loving nature that I had ever been witness to. The man was truly a blessing.

When I had dried and dressed in jeans, a tank top and a v-neck sweater, I rushed out of the room and nearly ran straight into the man of my thoughts, surprised to find that he had already changed for the day. I blinked up at him for a moment, noting his amused expression at my momentary bewilderment, and I could not help but smile in return. "Would you like to help me get Ali up for breakfast?"

Now it was his turn to blink in surprise. "I... Thank you, Bella, but I do not wish to impose or for you to feel that you must—"

I shook my head. "You wouldn't be, and I don't. It's a genuine offer."

He bowed his head in a polite gesture. "Then I would be honored."

I smirked as we stepped out into the hall. "Tell me, Carlisle, have you ever experienced the glorious nightmare of bathing a four year old?"

He blinked again. "I was under the impression that Ali liked baths."

I shook my head. "No. She likes to _play_ in a _bubble_ bath. Actually bathing her is a challenge." I grinned evilly. "It's a good thing your eardrums can't burst."

.

She had whined, begged, cajoled, joked, cried and as a last resort had flirted with Carlisle in her childlike way in the hopes that he would influence my decision. When everything failed, she waited until she was deposited in the tub to raise her hands, prepared to splash water everywhere. Though not as fast as Carlisle or any of his family members, I was still a lot quicker than my four year old sprite, and I caught her wrists in midair, holding them still over her head with one hand as I stared down at her, shaking a finger in her face. "If you splash me, little girl, so help me God, you will not get to watch t.v. today, and I will not let you have any grape juice!" She looked like she wanted to throw the mother of all tantrums, but then I added, "And if you throw a fit, I promise you that you will get in a whole world of trouble in front of your Uncle Carlisle."

Her eyes cut to the vampire then back to me, her little lips pursing together in a fierce pout, signaling that I had won the battle for the moment. That gain was not long held when, while I began to wet her down, she suddenly took a deep breath and stopped all respirations.

I could see Carlisle raise his eyebrow, thoroughly confused as to why my daughter was holding her breath. "It's what they do," I murmured to him. "She thinks that I'll be impressed or that I'll panic and let her out of the tub. Not exactly the most logical strategy to an adult, but to a four year, it's apparently a _brilliant_ plan." I stared at her unblinkingly. "You can hold your breath until you're blue in the face. You're still getting a bath. When you pass out, I'll just have to hold your head out of the water until you wake up and then you'll still be finishing your bath, only then it will be in cold water." For a moment, the Cullen leader seemed a bit panicked at my words, but I shook my head. "Carlisle, you're a doctor. You know better! If she does pass out, which she won't, because she always gives up, her body will immediately start breathing on its own. You know that. I'm here and you're here. She'll be okay."

He simply nodded, still looking a bit nervous.

While I would never admit it out loud, I was not quite sure what I found funnier: his panicking or the fact that my child held her breath until she, indeed, was almost purple before expelling the air she held in her mouth and taking a big breath inward. "Told you so," I chuckled to Carlisle. "The workings of a child's mind... It makes no sense whatsoever, yet it's still one of the most fascinating things." I moved to get a washcloth from the sink and an idea struck me. It was so wrong, oh-so-very wrong, but I simply could not stop myself, knowing my child too well and what she was capable of. As I stretched for the cloth, I glanced at Carlisle. "Can you get that strawberry body wash and the shampoo? They're the bottles on the shelf above her."

He nodded and gave me a small smile before he reached for the containers in question, and I watched as my daughter suddenly slung water all over him. The vampire froze for a moment, and I could not stop the snort of laughter that escaped me, having to bite my lip when his gaze shot to mine. His lips were pursed together in a way that clearly showed he was amused, but trying to hide it under the guise of mock anger. "Isabella Swan, you did that on purpose."

I smirked as I dunked the cloth into the tub. "I didn't do anything." I nodded my head to my giggling child. "Blame her!" I never would have believed that I would have ever seen it from Carlisle Cullen, but the vampire actually rolled his eyes at me before handing me the shampoo and body wash. I chuckled as I took them from him, quickly scrubbing suds into my daughter's soaked hair, much to her displeasure, and rinsing them away. I had to fight with her a bit when I went to soap her down, but a quick reminder that she would get in trouble in front of Carlisle immediately stopped any verbal and physical protests.

Getting her out of the tub was no hassle at all, and while I dressed her, Carlisle disappeared to his room to change his shirt. Not long after, I was traipsing down the stairs behind the Cullens' leader as he carried Ali, who seemed utterly fascinated by his brilliant blond hair, to the kitchen. By the time he had her seated safely on a stool at the island counter, his perfectly styled locks were in complete sexy disarray, strands falling over his forehead and into his eyes. Oh, I _really_ needed to thank my daughter.

I slid into a stool beside her and kept a close eye on her in case she started to wobble. Of course, that really did not matter with Carlisle in the house, since he would have been able to catch her before I could ever blink. "You're going to the hospital after your class, right?" I asked conversationally.

He hummed as he began moving confidently through the kitchen. "Unfortunately, I will not be back until about six or seven." The sympathetic but loving gaze was enough to leave me almost breathless. "I do apologize. I wish that I could return home sooner."

I shook my head. "It's okay. I was just curious. Originally, I was just going to stay in with Ali, but the more I think about, the more I think that I'll probably take her out later this afternoon." I shrugged casually. "Aside from my trip with Angela, we haven't been out together in awhile, and depending on what time you were finished, I thought you might want to join us."

His smile was utterly beautiful and his topaz eyes lit up with joy as he spoke. "If you want, I could meet you for a late lunch or early dinner."

I felt a slight flush spread across my cheeks. Even though this was Carlisle Cullen, the kindhearted and loving vampire that I had known for half a decade, his warm and peaceful approach left me feeling shy and giddy at the same time. Ever since Edward left me alone, I had not been in a proper relationship. Cooper had been a fling at first, yes, but we had never been in a _real_ relationship, because once Ali was born, the sex stopped and we were only friends. So after five years, Carlisle Cullen would be the only man to have seriously pursued me, and if I were to be honest, the only man that I _wanted_ to be pursued by. After five years of occasional blind dates that usually ended up with me in tears from being groped unexpectedly or cursing all malekind for their presumption and subsequent indignation when I turned them down, the tender and unassuming nature of the vampire that I admired would be a nice change of pace.

Apparently, I had been lost in my thoughts far too long, because Carlisle was calling my name, and when I focused back on reality, I noticed my daughter was already munching happily on her breakfast. "Sorry," I murmured. "I was just... I was just thinking about the difference between you and some of the men that I've dealt with since Ali's birth. It's amazing what some men think about young single mothers. Truly amazing. And by amazing, I mean utterly appalling."

He made a noise and sighed. "Here is where I must correct you about something, Isabella. The males that I presume you have dealt with are simply that: males. Real men would never assume to make any judgments about any woman, nor would they presume to take any physical liberties, which I have no doubt is what you are probably alluding to." When I nodded embarrassedly, he gingerly covered my hand with his. "Isabella," he cooed, "while I know that you are already fully aware of my personality and beliefs, if it will help you to hear it then I will tell you now that I would never even think of taking advantage of you. In my world, Bella, no means no and no matter what happens in the future, no matter how intense things could possibly become, I will _always_ accept no for an answer."

I offered him a small watery smile and blushed darker when he reached up to wipe a single stray tear away from the corner of my eye. I forced a laugh out. "You probably think that all I do is cry, since that's pretty much all I've done since seeing you again."

"I think no such thing," he returned calmly. "The only thing that I think is that you are a lovely young woman who is under more stress than she is used to, and I can assure you, Isabella, that I will always be here for you in whatever capacity you need me."

.

**Reviews are like aloe: They soothe a writer's heart and soul!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Of Banks and the Business of Love**

I could not believe it when he slipped my daughter two dark cards before he left, claiming that he knew I would refuse to use it and that he wanted Ali to make sure it was used in place of my own cards. When I attempted to argue, he simply whispered something in my daughter's ear and then vanished, leaving me to stutter in shock as Ali found my purse, shoved the cards inside and held the bag hostage for the remainder of the morning. And as soon as breakfast was over, we went to the mall, which thrilled Ali to almost no end as we rarely went shopping together unless it was for groceries because I had never had enough money to just casually shop—it had always broken my heart when I had to tell her that I could not give her something simply because Mommy did not have the money.

We stopped at Borders first, going straight to the kids' section, where my child went practically wild, grabbing books left and right. Running on instinct, I let her know that we could not spend that much money, only to be informed that I should call Uncle Carlisle, and that was when I realized that my future mate must have told my child to get whatever she wanted and, knowing him, probably told her that same thing about me. I decided then and there that if he were not immortal, I would attempt kill him. When I sent him a text about not wanting to spend his money, I was promptly told to check my bank account and upon doing so, I was not sure if I still wanted to kill him or hug him. Either choice aside, I was about to call him when my phone rang, the caller ID boldly showing his name. "Carlisle, I can't take your money. It's—"

"Nonsense," he interrupted cheerfully. "It is no longer my money, but yours, and before you argue, I should tell you that I am in the habit of giving everyone a sum of money upon their joining the family. Normally, the amount is a bit less than what is in your account, but seeing as you have a child, I only felt it proper to increase that amount." He paused for a moment to see if I was going to rant at him before continuing, "I very briefly considered opening a savings account for Ali, but ultimately decided to place her money in your account for you to do so at a future time. She is, after all, your child."

I could not help but hear a twinge of sadness in his voice, and my heart tightened for a moment, a combination of love and regret flowing through me. I loved that this man obviously cared enough for my daughter to think of her as well, and for the briefest moment regretted that she had to be Cooper's child and not his. However, as I thought more about his actions, I felt a small smile curl my lips. "Carlisle, just _how_ much money do you think a four year old needs?"

The grin in his voice was evident when he spoke. "About two-point-five billion more than my own children."

I gaped for a moment before hissing into the phone, "Carlisle! That isn't just 'a bit less'!"

"For _my_ family it is," he chuckled warmly. "How much did you think I was worth, dearest?" When I muttered my theory, his laugh grew louder. "I am sure that you realize by now that you are missing a few zeroes. It is over thirty-four billion."

"You're family is worth thirty-four billion dollars?" I questioned in disbelief.

"Of course not, my darling," he responded calmly. "That is just _my_ worth. Although, it is now a little over twenty-four billion. The others are worth quite a bit less."

I rolled my eyes. "Just a bit though, right?" I huffed at his obvious amusement. "Carlisle, I cannot—"

"Yes," he said firmly, "you can."

I sighed heavily as it started to sink in that this stubborn male was not going to take no for an answer.

"Isabella," he murmured, his light English accent working its magic on my body and soul, "for once in your life, would you please accept the fact that there is someone in this world who longs to care for you, to pet and pamper you in the ways that you deserve?" He waited for a moment before he spoke again. "Besides, dear heart, as a long-time member of the undead, I truly do not need the money. I do not fall prey to sickness, nor is there any disease upon this Earth that could ravage my body, so I do not require it for medical costs. I do not require human goods. In all truth, I do not even really need the homes in which I reside, as the elements do not affect me. All of my possessions are simply for comfort or pure entertainment. There is nothing that I need that requires that much money." His voice softened to a beautiful coo, "So please, Isabella Marie Swan, allow me spoil you and Alicia Rosalyn." I suppose he could sense my hesitation, but his voice made it sounded like he was ready to go to bended knee if necessary. "Bella... please?"

I sighed. "Carlisle, this is very difficult for me to accept."

"I know," he said softly. "But you must understand, Bella, that this is my world. Between the antiques that we have collected through the centuries, our family's business sense and Alice's ability to predict the stock market, we have more money than we could spend in a life time. And the reality is that if my family were not so taken with humanity, our worth would be almost double, as we donate a large sum of our money to charities and to medical and research facilities." He gave me a moment for this information to sink in before he continued, "I know that you loathe the idea of people doing things for you, but this is truly my world and my life, Isabella. And I did not give you that money as simple charity. I care for you, Bella, very much. It brings me more happiness and pleasure than you could ever imagine to take care of you and your daughter. Please, allow me that joy."

I bit my lower lip. "I understand, Carlisle. Really, I do, but I just don't want to become dependent on—"

"Bella, I would not let that happen," he said firmly. "Even though I gave each of my family large sums money upon their arrivals, I do not in any way take care of them. The great amounts that they maintain now come from their own investments and business endeavors. While I wish to take care of you as I do, I have never once imagined you being indebted to or relying upon me in such a fashion for all eternity. Yes, I wish to spoil you, but I also wish to enable you with a better ability to take care of yourself. Bella, any gift I give you is done so out of love. This is not only a gift of love, but a tool to help you begin a new life which you, of all people, genuinely deserve. Do you understand?"

I blushed. "When you say it like that, yes."

"Good," he said, pleasure and pride tinting his accent. "Now, when do you think you will be ready for lunch?"

I laughed. "Ali is a bit excited, so it may be a bit longer than I thought. I would guess that we'll be done around—" I glanced to see my daughter creating a stack of books on the floor and chuckled— "probably two."

"Very well then," he said cheerfully. "You enjoy your morning with Ali and I will see you at two."

"Carlisle?" I called out before he could hang up. When he inquired if there was wrong, I instinctively shook my head, though I knew he could not see it. "Thank you. I doubt that I can ever say it enough, but thank you for everything. I honestly don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come back into my life."

"I do, my darling," he sighed sadly, "and that is what opened my eyes to the fact that I could not leave you alone any longer. I love you too much to have let you fall to that destruction, and I could not sit by and know that Ali would lose her mother."

_Wow._ "Was it really that bad?" I questioned worriedly.

"Yes."

It never occurred to me that my life could have become so bad that my child would lose me and now more than ever was I grateful for the vampire who had plunged himself into the chaos that had become my life. And normally, I hated fairytales, but Carlisle Cullen had all but charged back into my life like a knight in shining armor on a brilliant white stead, sweeping me off of my feet with his compassion, concern and love.

Yes, I was very grateful.

.

We had made it out of Border with only four bags, which I thought was rather impressive, considering the small mountains of books that my daughter had wished to take with us. I had successfully convinced her that if she would allow us to leave with only half that I would make absolutely certain that we would get the rest for her birthday. Of course, I had to quickly scratch down the title and author of every single book we placed back, but at least I was not walking out with what would have come to hundreds of dollars worth of children's reading material. As it was, we spent close to two hundred, leaving with almost thirty books.

After that, we had gone shopping for clothes, because while Alice and Rosalie had bought quite a few outfits for both I and my daughter, it was not like we could wear the same ten pieces day after day after day. Unsurprisingly though, my child was not as enthused with shopping for clothes as she was for books, and as usually happened in moments like that, I was reminded that she had more of my traits than I sometimes remembered, particularly my curiosity. So it was while in the toy store that I got the question I had been dreading since the moment I walked into the lecture hall with Ali: Was Uncle Carlisle Daddy's brother?

I immediately placed the toy that we had been looking at back on the shelf and, as I promised her a small ice cream, walked toward the food court, wanting to be seated and having the majority of her attention.

Thankfully, she did not play twenty questions when I explained that Uncle Carlisle and Daddy were not brothers and that I did not know why they looked alike, claiming that sometimes people looked like each without being related. I was equally as grateful when she easily accepted my plea for her to never mention to Carlisle that he looked like Cooper, telling her that Uncle Carlisle and Mommy really liked each other and that it might upset Uncle Carlisle if he knew that her daddy looked like him. I knew it was wrong, and I felt a bit guilty asking my daughter to keep this secret from Carlisle, but I really did not want to explain why my child's father could pass for his twin. I was too ashamed to tell him that every time I saw Cooper, I hardly ever thought of my family or the way I used to fit in with them, that I only ever saw his brilliant topaz eyes and blond hair every time I looked at Ali's father. I was embarrassed to say that the night she was conceived, in my mind, it had been him that I had held in the night. I did not want to tell him that I only started seeing Cooper as Cooper after we had stopped having sex and had become friends. I did not want him to know any of this and, God forgive me, I bought my child every toy she wanted as insurance for her silence.

What amazed me was that Alice had never seen. Of course, once she was certain of my happiness, I doubted that she had watched me like a hawk—from the way they talked, she only seemed to check up on me once or twice a year, so it was highly possible, and seemed like it was the case, that Cooper had just slipped through the cracks of her visions. Thank God!

_Or not,_ I thought to myself hours later when the car refused to crank after several attempts, glancing up at the ceiling to a god that I could not see. "Seriously? This is how you punish me? That's fine! This is embarrassing, but bearable." I immediately pulled out my phone and punched the speed dial for Carlisle. "I have a serious problem."

"Is something wrong with Ali?" he questioned immediately, a slight hint of panic in his voice. "Is she okay?"

While there was the tiniest bit of jealousy that I was not the first person he was worried about, I was far more touched that his first thoughts were of my child's well-being, and the drop of jealousy vanished under the joy that his concern was genuine and not some false attempt to impress me like some men had in the past.

"She's fine, Carlisle. Listen." I held the phone up, my child squealing her hello to her Uncle Carlisle at the top of her lungs, making me wince. "She's fine. I'm fine. My car... not so fine. In fact, it's dead. And by dead, I mean, I don't think it has any chance of resuscitation. It's given up the ghost and finally gone to that giant parking lot in the sky!" I heard a small slight choking noise and realized that he was trying not to laugh aloud at my little diatribe, and I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Carlisle, it's absolutely hysterical," I said drolly. "Now could you please come and get me?" When he assured me that he would be at the mall in five minutes, claiming we were going car shopping immediately after, I turned to face Ali. "Well, little girl, you're in luck. Mommy has to go car shopping and Uncle Carlisle only has an hour for lunch, so you get to have Taco Bell or Arby's." Her second screech of delight was even louder than her one to Carlisle, and I was amazed that I had not lost my hearing yet. "Take your pick, kiddo, 'cause I need to tell Uncle Carlisle where to go when he gets here." Thankfully, she was in the mood for curly fries, because after the shocks of my day, I was in the need of a giant-ass jamocha shake!

After all of our bags and belongs were transferred from my car to Carlisle's and instruction had been given to the tower, we went straight through the drive-thru and then to—where else?—the Mercedes dealer.

He just grinned as I rolled my eyes at him and muttered under my breath about being obsessed and biased, and when I snapped that, unlike him, not everyone had more money than God, he simply quirked an eyebrow and smirked in the most disgustingly cheerful way, reminding me that I now had ten billion dollars sitting in my bank account.

This did not help my state of mind.

Seeing my head drop to the dashboard and feeling the tension roll from my body, my future mate instantly distracted Ali with some of her new books before putting down the consul and sliding toward me, rubbing my shoulders and placing a quick kiss to the back of my neck. He never said a word, simply let me be as I absorbed everything that had happened in the past five hours. "Why do you have to be so damn wonderful?" I muttered in a mix of annoyance and relief.

I could practically hear the grin in his voice as he said quietly, "It is part of the curse. I am forever doomed as the improvement of the already warm and compassionate man that I would like to believe that I was before my curse."

I rolled my head on the dashboard, turning my face to gaze at him. "Please take this as the compliment it is supposed to be: You are a very strange man."

He grinned at me and reached out to sweep my hair away from my face. "If I am indeed strange in comparison to the males that you seem to have dealt with in your past, then I am more than happy to be labeled as such." His smile softened as his topaz eyes seemed to study every line of my face. "There are moments when I find myself wishing that I had claimed you sooner, that you had been spared the stress of growing up too fast, the uncouth manners of so many young men of this time, but then I think of Ali and what a wonderful mother you are, and I am more than glad that I did not, that I have you both here in my life." I knew that I had failed miserably to hold back my tears when he reached out to wipe away a few stray drops. "While it pains me to know of all you have endured alone these past few years," he murmured too softly for my daughter to hear, "I am still grateful, for having you and Ali with me is truly the greatest gift that I have received in all my centuries upon this Earth. I will never be given a treasure as precious as being able to love you and love your child, to watch her grow and to be allowed the honor of sharing in her care. You cannot imagine what having the two of you in my life means to me."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I was well aware of what Carlisle felt for me and that he cared about Ali, and I could accept that easily, but I still was not ready to allow myself to return everything that he had to offer just yet.

It was too much for me, and he seemed to sense this, because he lightly tapped my jaw to get my attention and smiled tenderly down at me as he spoke. "Isabella, do not feel guilty that you are not ready to reciprocate my affections fully. I wish that I could ease your mind and have you understand that I am patient, that I love you enough to wait. I told you this morning, and I meant it with every fiber of my being, that I will be for you whatever you need me to be, and whatever feelings you choose to give me, until the day that you are ready to be mine completely, I will accept gladly. This is what love is, Isabella. It asks for nothing in return. I love you, because I love you, not because of what you can do for me in return."

I swallowed thickly and nodded. "Thank you."

He shook his head. "You never need thank me for loving you as I do. Your and Ali's presence alone are all I need to make me happy."

We stayed in the car for awhile longer while my daughter and I finished our food before I let Carlisle coax me out of the car, growling in exasperation at his biased enthusiasm and the fact that he had swayed my daughter to 'his side' as I fervently fought his thoughts at every turn, arguing that I would be just fine with a Toyota or a Honda. It was not until my daughter let out a gasp of delight and gestured wildly, that I saw it—the most beautiful car I had ever laid eyes on: a powder-blue, E350 Cabriolet.

Oh... I did _not_ need this car. It was _not_ the type of car that I was used to driving, mostly because I could never have afforded it before, but sweet God almighty, I would be damned if it was not the most mouth-wateringly delectable machine I had ever seen in my short life. I just wanted to run over and... touch it! _My God it was beautiful!_

"Mommy! You're about to swallow a bee!"

I blinked out of my trance and turned to see Carlisle and my daughter grinning like maniacs and frowned. "No!" When my daughter whined a loud 'please', my mate whispering in her ear, obviously egging her on, I huffed. "You two are dangerous together. No!" Yet despite my words, I could not help but cast another longing glance at the heavenly vehicle. I shook my head no, whimpering pitifully, "Absolutely not." But less than two hours and an undisclosed amount that Carlisle refused to let me know later, I was holding the keys to my paradise on wheels. It was impossible to ignore their giggles of victory and I could only growl to them, as I approached my new car, "You two are never going shopping together ever again!"

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**Reviews are like black cats: I love them!**


	7. Chapter 7

**The Garage**

I felt two cool arms slip around me while I stood in the garage, staring at the powder blue machine with tendrils of regret began to creep in. "I really wish you hadn't..." I trailed off with an unhappy sigh. "I should have put my foot down and said no."

His breath caressed my ear. "Isabella, you were staring at that car as though you wished to make love to it." When I muttered in disagreement, he chuckled. "If it were legal, I have no doubt you would marry that machine today." He was far more amused by my embarrassment than I thought was appropriated, which only served to increase that bemused delight as he hugged me tightly from behind. "You seem to forget that only a few hours ago, I told you that any gift that I give you is done out of love and that I expect nothing in return." I wanted to argue, but he cut me off. "Though I adore you with all of my undead heart, you truly are the most stubborn woman I have met in all of my three hundred-seventy years."

He ever so gently nuzzled the back of my ear, a soft rumble that I had never heard come from any of them resonating from his chest and throat. At my obvious smile, he chortled and answered the questions that I had not asked, as though he knew they were coming. "Yes, it is. Yes, we do." He straightened and rested his chin on my head. "We only do it for our mates and only on certain occasions, to show reassurance or during intense moments of affection. It is not something that we do on a daily basis, but it is not uncommon for us either."

"It's nice," I said with a small smile. "And I'm not stubborn. I'm just—"

He spun me quickly, grasping my shoulders as he gazed down at me patiently. "Yes. You are. You are being stubborn." His hands stroked down my arms until his fingers were laced with mine. "You are frightened that the life you are being offered could not possibly be real, that you are unworthy. And while part of you desperately hopes that it _is_ real, you are terrified to reach out for it, because you are afraid that you will turn into the scared and insecure young girl that you seemed to think you were, that you will be abandoned and fall into a state of desperation and darkness as you did before." He released my fingers and cupped my face firmly in his hands, forcing me to look directly happen. "I promise you, Isabella, that will not happen. While it is true that vampires can have relationships with humans, once we have found our mates, there is no one else. That is the end for us. And once our soul has found its other half, we are bound for life and the _only_ time a vampire is able to leave is if their mate is still human and we know that we are hurting our mate. When we leave that mate, we leave to go to our death. But now that I know even the thoughts of permanent separation only causes you more agony than I thought my presence did, I cannot leave. The only possible way for me to be separated from you now is if you change your mind and bid me leave."

His right thumb began to softly caress my cheek and it was then that I realized, for the first time, just how large is hands really were. I knew that he was much large than me, towering over me a couple inches more than six foot, but until his hands held my face the way they did now, it did not occur to me just how tiny I was in comparison. However, it did not intimidate me the way it probably should have, this immortal creature being so much larger and far more powerful. Instead, I felt secure and safe, his gentle and patient eyes telling me that I could trust him with my life now as I had in the past.

"Isabella," he cooed, "I meant what I said earlier. I do not take care of my family. While I wish to shower you with love and attention in all its forms, be it emotional support, physical comfort or giving you gifts, I would never presume to take away from you your ability to care for yourself. If you wish to work, then work. If you wish to rely solely on business investments as my children do, then do so. I or Rosalie or Jasper will help you until you understand the in's and out's. But whatever you wish to do, however you wish to care for yourself, it is your choice and will always be your choice, and I will never take that from you."

I knew that he meant what he said and that helped relieve a great deal of my tension. Unable to formulate words of thanks, I simply stood on tip-toe and pressed a kiss to his cheek, feeling a blush spread across my cheeks when he stepped closer, only a few inches between us as he stared down at me, the intensity of his gaze making my heart race.

"Tell me if this is too much, Isabella," he whispered, stroking the planes of my face with his cool palms. When I shook my head that it was fine, he smiled softly. "May I kiss you?"

I could feel the heat darkening my face even further as he watched me intently.

Since Ali's birth, never had there been a man to ask my permission to make any advances — they simply assumed that since I was a young mother that I _must_ be easy and they could do whatever they pleased. To have him ask me, to have him be so patient and tender, was a very welcome change. He was so sweet and gentle and loving that I could not stop myself from nodding my acquiescence even if I wanted to. And I most definitely did not want to stop him.

He slid one hand to the top of my neck, his fingers entangling in the thick waves of my hair as his other hand slipped to my lower back. He pulled my body flush against him, his large erection pressing into my stomach as he lowered his mouth to mine. Despite his obvious desire, he kept his kiss soft and languid, his cool firm lips moving against mine with patient adoration, and after a few moments, he tentatively sought entrance to the depths of my mouth, which I granted him. His tongue delicately traced the underside of first my upper then my lower lip before catching the flesh carefully between his teeth, making sure not to put too much pressure on the fragile skin. He took his time engaging me in a slow battle of dominance, his tongue swirling against mine for control before I caught the cool member between my lips, sucking firmly for a moment, surprised and pleased that he would let me taste him.

I opened my eyes to see that the normal topaz had turned to obsidian, love, triumph, desire and a touch of amusement in their dark depths. I gave his tongue one last, firm tug before releasing his mouth and smiling shyly up at him as he brushed a lock of hair away from my face and kissed my forehead. I reached up to thread my fingers through his luscious blond hair and was just about to press my lips back to his when I sudden whine caught my attention.

_"Ewww..._ Mommy and Uncle Carlisle are kissing!"

I dropped my head to my mate's shoulder and shook my head, feeling his chest vibrating with his laughter. "Oh, the embarrassing joys of having a four year old."

And as if it could not get any worse, a deep voice echoed through the garage, _"Ewww..._ Daddy and Aunt Bella are kissing!"

I turned my head and practically growled. "Emmett, could you please cover my child's eyes so I can show you a particular gesture?"

Carlisle, ever the peacemaker, quickly intervened and left my side to scoop my daughter up in his arms to carry her back to me, still keeping her snuggled in his embrace. "Actually, it occurred to me that we did not get to have lunch as we planned." He smiled warmly at my daughter, tickling her for a moment and obviously delighting in her shrieks of glee. He cast a quick glance to me, joy in his once-again citrine eyes as he spoke, "And I happen to know of the perfect place for us to have a first date."

As an adult, I understood clearly that his tone to mean we would be bringing Ali along with us, which touched me to my core, but my young child did not, her body stiffening and her eyes watering as she struggled to leave Carlisle's grip with her arms stretched fervently toward me.

I took her from the vampire, who looked bewildered and hurt all as I rocked my upset baby girl in my arms. "She... Not all men are like you, Carlisle," I explained quietly, my eyes never leaving his. "There have been a few guys who have passed through my life that've didn't seem to mind having a relationship with a single mother, but fewer who would have Ali involved in dates or anything. There've been times when a sitter would call in sick and... Well, most guys had the decency to cancel the date, but there were some who'd try to impress me by agreeing to let her come. Their attitudes were... less than sincere. There weren't _that_ many, but she still learned that she wasn't exactly... welcome by all men."

I sighed and stroked Ali's hair as I rocked her back and forth. "About five months ago, there was an incident. A bad one. My sitter's mother had a heart attack and she wanted to be with her mother, as she needed to be, of course. I couldn't find another sitter since it was a Friday night, so when my blind date showed up and realized that we either had to cancel or we would have a four year old with us, he wasn't exactly kind with his view on the situation. Some things were said... with her standing right beside me." I paused as I saw the recognition and anger in Carlisle's eyes. "He walked away with a split lip, but as you can see, the damage was done. I haven't attempted to go out with anyone since, but that's the last thing she remembers hearing about Mommy and dates. She thinks you..." I shrugged helplessly and shook my head trying to convey that my child thought she was not wanted.

He nodded then waved me over to the steps that led into the house and sat down, guiding me to sit beside him so he could see my daughter. "Ali..." he cooed softly — I could only guess that she gave him her attention as I heard him thank her. As he reached up to stroke her hair, he murmured quietly, "Ali, I am truly sorry that someone hurt you, but I want you to know that I adore you so very much. You and your mommy are the world to me, and I will always want you with me. Do you understand?" As he asked, I could feel her head moving against my shoulder. "When I said that I wanted 'us' to go out, I meant you too, little one," he continued, making my heart melt with his sincere words and loving tone. "I wanted you to go with me and Mommy. Would that be all right? Would you want to come with us?"

Her movements became more enthusiastic and she suddenly was squirming out of my embrace. I turned to find her curled up against Carlisle's shoulder, her face buried in the crook of his neck, her arms around him so tightly that I was certain that she would be choking him had he been human. It was truly the sweetest thing I had ever seen and I had to wipe a few stray tears from my cheeks as I mouthed my thank you to him and saw him mouth back that it was his pleasure, venom coating his golden eyes.

.

We took my new car, Carlisle teasing me about being jealous of the new 'male' in my life and me stunning him when I said that when I was behind the wheel that I was batting for the other team. When he finally picked his jaw up off the floor, I informed him that he needed to help me think of a name for my new 'lady'. He wanted to name her something elegant like Cassandra or Tatiana. Just to watch his eyes bug out, I told him that I was going to name her something risqué, having to whisper my fake choices under my breath. The look on his face when I suggested Carmen Sandieblow was priceless, and I _might_ have suggested that he name his own vehicle Dick Racy, so we could have the cop and the crook — a matching pair! It was truly one of those where-is-my-camera-when-I-need-it moments.

In the end, Ali won out, naming her Merryweather, after the blue fairy in Sleeping Beauty. When Carlisle gently questioned her about the choice, he was quickly informed the she did not like Flora, Fauna or the princess, and that we couldn't name the car Maleficent like she really wanted, because Maleficent was green and the car was blue. Matching my child's disturbingly serious tone, he conceded that this was a perfectly sound argument, and then they engaged in the most bizarre, and oddly somber, debate over who was the best villainess: The Evil Queen, Maleficent or Ursula.

The Evil Queen was ruled out rather quickly simply because neither liked her, and when I mentioned that they forgot the Mad Madam Mim, they immediately disqualified her for being a cheater. I was beyond amused that my daughter and mate had joined forces to keep me out of what was apparently an exclusive debate, Carlisle sounding quite serious in his argument that Ursula had to be the best as she had control of the ocean. My daughter smartly pointed out that it was only temporary and that she had been destroyed by a ship. That was then countered by the fact that Maleficent had been destroyed by a sword. Ali had pondered that for awhile, before alerting Carlisle to the fact that the audience had witnessed Ursula's electrocution and drowning, but that there was no body, dragon or otherwise, after Maleficent had fallen off the edge. Yes, we'd seen her stabbed, but we didn't see her bleed to death, disintegrate, explode or anything else, and that she had simply vanished. She then declared victory, claiming that without a body or external evidence of death, we had to believe that Maleficent was alive and only wounded.

Carlisle admitted defeat.

It was one of the sweetest and most adorable things I had ever witnessed — this brilliant vampire, who easily could win any debate with any genius, past or present, had just 'lost' an argument about Disney villains to a four year old.

And surprises did not stop there.

When he had me make a turn and I found myself staring at the marquee of the children's restaurant, I did not know whether to laugh or cry — although, I may have made a half-gasp, half-sob sound of amusement and gratefulness, shaking my head in sheer astonishment as my daughter shrieked like a dying banshee. Thankfully, he let me have a moment and slipped out of the convertible to help Ali out of her seat in the back. The moment we entered the doors, my daughter began squirming in earnest but was unable to get out Carlisle's inhuman grasp, huffing in indignation that she could not escape. When she attempted a second time, pushing on his shoulders with all of her little might, he simply quirked an eyebrow in bemused questioning, as if silently asking her if she really thought she was going to get down before he was ready to let her go. After informing her that we had to order first, and then doing so, I had Carlisle release her and watched as she took off like a shot to the indoor playground, once again shaking my head in disbelief at the consideration that this centuries-old vampire had taken for my hyper four year. It was more than touching, and I found myself wishing for the impossible.

Normally, which was also rarely, I would have hovered nearby, but knowing that Carlisle was here and that he could keep a better watch over her than I could allowed me to relax, though I kept glancing in her direction every few minutes or so. When he plucked my hand up and laced his fingers with mine, I blushed and gazed at him gratefully. "Thank you. This means a lot me, Carlisle."

He raised my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles before speaking. "Everything I said before, Isabella, still holds true. It is not just your presence alone that brings me joy. I adore Ali as though she were my own." He paused and gazed at me, nervousness in his eyes as he waited for my reaction, waited to see if this information would be too much for me to handle.

I was not overly surprised, because I knew that Carlisle was quickly growing fond of my daughter, and I was not as terrified or overwhelmed as I thought I would have been. I was touched and wished, not for the first time, that Ali could have been Carlisle's, but knowing it was completely impossible.

When I showed no negative emotions and nodded for him to continue, relief and the joy glowed in his eyes and on his face as he reached out and pulled me closer to him in the booth and snuggled me against him. "I would never presume to ask to take Ali's father's place," he said quietly, "but having the opportunity to care for her, to help raise her, to be a... to be a strong influence in her life is one of the greatest miracles afforded to me."

I knew exactly what he meant and shifted away slightly so I could gaze into his eyes. "Carlisle, I won't lie to you, because you deserve better than that." I took a deep breath and attempted to pull my thoughts together, and he was patient enough to grant me this. "At this exact moment in time, I'm not quite ready to make that official." While I expected to see a tinge of sadness in his eyes, I was relieved to also see hope in his eyes at my words, glad that he understood that I was not saying it was impossible in the future. "Ali would need to spend more time with you, which—" my lips twitched in proud amusement— "doesn't seem to be a problem. I would need to talk with Ali, make sure that she understands that you aren't trying to take his place and that it's okay for her to have—"

He smiled understandingly and pulled me back against him, draping his arm around me. "You seem to be forgetting, Isabella, that I am a very patient man. I have no qualms with working to gain your and Ali's trust." When I went to argue with him, he cut me off. "Trust of your physical safety is one thing, my dearest, but to trust me with your heart and Ali's is different. You have had men break your trust and your child's heart, so it is natural for you to be wary. I truly have no problems proving my words to both of you."

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**Reviews are like the Weasley twins. I'm currently obsessed with them.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Opening the Blinds in Pooh Corner**

She had cuddled herself against Carlisle's broad chest as we ate the pizza that had been ordered, and as touching as the actual scene itself was, I was very pleased to know that my daughter trusted this immortal creature as much as she did. Although, I found it slightly amusing that like her mother, she had trouble dealing with other humans, but felt perfectly at ease attaching herself to mythical beings, whose kind was not exactly known for being the poster-species of safety. It also made me feel better to see that she seemed rather comfortable being snuggled against his rock-hard body. Perhaps I would not have to worry about not being warm and soft in the future after all.

As if hearing my thoughts, Carlisle turned his topaz eyes to meet mine, a small smile on his pale pink lips as he arched an eyebrow, and I blushed under his warm gaze. The intimate moment was interrupted, though, when my child questioned the vampire about why he was not eating. I already had an excuse on the tip of my tongue, when said vampire pleasantly answered that as a gentleman, he wanted to make sure that she and I had enough before he ate, and to my surprise and mild horror, he proceed to pick up and bite into a greasy, cheesy slice. His facial expression seemed perfectly calm, as though the taste of human food in his mouth was not the most revolting thing in the world to him, and the only thing that let me know that his purposeful actions were making him 'ill' was the barest twitch of his eye as he swallowed. The cheerful smile that was still plastered on his lips looked surprisingly genuine.

I could only gape at him, simultaneously shocked and touched by the gesture, knowing full well that we could have simply brushed off his not eating as a lack of appetite. I also knew that he would not be able to keep the food down long and quickly distracted my daughter by taking her to play again, making sure to keep her attention away from the immortal disappearing from sight. When he returned about ten minutes later, looking slightly worn out, despite never actually being physically tired, I whispered my apologies under my breath and let him know that he did not have to do something like that again, making sure that he knew just how much I appreciated the gesture.

We stayed until Ali started getting fussy, a clear sign that it was nearing her bedtime, and on the drive home, despite the tiny thread of nervousness and hesitation, my heart practically soared when Carlisle reached over and took my hand in his. Oh, it was moments like that when I hated being human, because I knew he could hear my heart skip a beat before it started racing at twice it's normal speed, could hear the change in my breathing, and he could smell the blood filling my cheeks, as well as the private musky scent of my arousal. It was quite frustrating, because while my mind urged my mouth to say one thing, my body clearly told him another story. Thankfully, Carlisle was a gentleman, and this car could go a lot faster than my old hunk of junk, ensuring that I could get home quicker and could put some space between myself and the man whose presence was doing delightful things to the inside of my body, things that I was not one hundred percent certain that I wanted to feel just yet or not.

Of course, when it was time to put Ali to bed, she was suddenly wide awake and did not want to go to sleep, instead wanting to be read a story. When I attempted to read to her, she violently shook her head and snatched the book from me, racing from her room and barely giving me time to catch her as she tried to make the first step alone. She began tugging me down the stairs, and I quickly realized just what she wanted, or rather whom she wanted to read to her.

I could not help but smile at the brief moment of confusion in his eyes and whispered "She wants you to read to her" to him, watching his face light up with surprise and joy when my daughter launched herself at him. He caught her with one arm, scooped her up and carried her to the empty sofa, where he laid down on his back. With his head and shoulders propped up on the armrest, he pulled an afghan across his chest to help shield her from the coolness of his body and wrapped her up in it. I felt my heart absolutely melt at the sight of my tiny girl curling up, quite genuinely, on top of his chest with her face buried in the crook of his neck as he began to read Winnie the Pooh to her.

He did not at all seem to mind the fact that my baby girl had made herself comfortable on his shoulder and chest, and as he wrapped his free arm around her minute frame, cradling her lovingly to his body, I knew that this was probably the most precious and beautiful site that I would ever see. And not wanting to interrupt their adorable moment, I sat down on the bottom step and listened to the sounds of his velvety English accent softly drift through the room, trying not to let my emotions get the best of me as I once again found myself wishing that it had been Carlisle that I had given myself to first, that it had been Carlisle in my arms the day she had been conceived, that it had been Carlisle who was there for her first bath, first words, first steps.

Oh, I adored Cooper very much, there was no doubt of that, but our affair had begun for reasons that I hated to admit to myself, because they were unfair to everyone — they were unfair to me, to Cooper, to Ali, but more importantly to Carlisle. And I knew that I should tell him, but I could not bear to tell him that the man who had held me first, the man who helped create the little girl that he loved as his own, only did so because of my secret desire to have some piece of Carlisle. I was ashamed of myself enough as it was to know that, until my pregnancy came to light and I was forced to look at the real Cooper, I had hardly ever thought of my family when I looked at Carlisle's seeming-twin. I was ashamed to admit that every time that I looked at those green eyes that I _saw_ bright topaz and that every time I stroked his short dark hair that I saw my fingers threading through _his_ silky blond locks. How could I admit to him that on the night my child was conceived that it was _his_ name that I cried out in my mind?

Suddenly his dark trousers were in front of me as he whispered down to me, "She has fallen asleep. May I be permitted to put her to bed?"

I smiled up and him and nodded.

The answer to my own question: I could not.

.

Three weeks had gone by since the night that Carlisle had read to Ali before taking her to bed. Three weeks of romantic dates and family dates with Ali. Three weeks of being picked on by my mate in his classes. Three weeks of long drives in my Cabriolet. Three weeks of playing on Ali's playground and covering the kitchen, ourselves and my daughter in flour during our fun cooking escapades. Three weeks of watching Disney, with the tiny elf curled up between us. Three weeks of being held by the most wonderful man as I fell asleep. Three weeks of pure heaven.

Of course, it was too good to go on without something going wrong, and unbeknownst to me, that something was going to happen far sooner than I had ever realized.

The Cullens had gone hunting farther north for the weekend, leaving the house to Ali and myself, so I made sure that my child talked to her father a lot during that weekend.

It was always amusing to watch them interact with each other. Since Fitch Cooper was more like a little boy trapped in a grown man's body than an actual adult, he and his child were more like best friends than father and daughter, and they could argue on end about the most ridiculous things, but not in the way that Ali and Carlisle 'argued'. While Carlisle could easily pretend to carry on 'serious debates' with the four year old, Cooper could not; Cooper and his daughter would launch into full-scale, verbal wars about whatever topic seemed to be in the for front of their minds, and unfortunately, my close friend did not always employ his profanity filter. So this meant that Ali immediately won the argument, because the rule was that dirty words were not allowed and any use of them meant immediate disqualification from the debate.

Thankfully, no such arguments seemed impending at the present time as we sat in the den, staring at Cooper's face on the television screen, a webcam perched atop it to capture my daughter and I for him.

My daughter regaled him with stories of our shopping sprees and all the things we bought, and I could not help but notice that she was careful not to mention any of our family. My child was young, but she was much smarter than I sometimes gave her credit for; I was certain that she realized that talking about her new family too often would probably upset her biological father, and therefore she kept their presence in the conversations to a minimum.

It was in the middle of her happy rambling about her new stuffed unicorn that it happened.

I heard the laughter from outside, saw the front door swing open as I made a dive for the wireless keyboard and mouse that I had previously tossed to the other end of the couch. I saw Carlisle and his children walking into the living room as I hastily told Cooper goodbye, saw them turn to catch a brief glimpse of Cooper's image before I managed to exist the program. I heard the deafening silence then Emmett's crude exclamation of 'holy shit!'. I saw Carlisle's stiff shoulders drop and felt tears trickling down my face as he silently turned and walked up the stairs.

I heard Jasper mumble, "How could we have missed that?", and Rosalie answer him with, "Well, she has his nose, but the rest of her features are sort of mixed; and with her eyes being green and her hair dark, it's not that obvious. Not unless you're looking for it."

Oh God, I could not listen to this right now, especially knowing that Carlisle was upstairs and could hear it all.

I jumped to my feet, snuggling Ali, who was beginning to shake as she obviously sensed that something very bad was going on, and rocking her to calm her. At just that moment, my phone started ringing. I knew it would be Cooper wanting to know why I had just disappeared without a real goodbye. "Goddamnit," I growled under my breath as I snatched up my phone. "Cooper, I cannot talk right now. All you need to know is that Ali is okay and I'm okay. I'm going to give Ali to my friend Rose—" I looked at her to see if this was actually okay, and she nodded, taking my daughter from me— "and I'm going to give Rose your number so Ali can call and keep talking to you. Okay? I'm probably not going to be able to talk for the rest of the night. Goodbye!"

I hung up abruptly, not giving him a chance to get a word in, then turned my phone on silent and took the vibration off. I let out a sigh and another curse before glancing up at the rest of my family, my eyes pleading with the blond female, who seemed to have the most sympathetic and understanding look on her face. I mumbled under my breath, making sure that my daughter could not hear me and start fretting that this was her fault. "Can you all just... take her out for a few hours?"

Rosalie smiled brightly at my daughter. "Actually," she said with that enthusiastic cheerfulness that adults used when placating children, "I think we should take a trip to Seattle! We can do some shopping and catch a movie before bedtime. The boys can rent their own room and then us girls can have a girls' night and-" she whispered conspiringly in my child's ear- "we can stay up and watch movies all night and not tell Mommy."

That had my daughter's vote, so within only a few minutes, they had bags packed and I was alone downstairs, where I stayed for a short while, sitting on the couch as I tried to formulate just what the hell I was supposed to say to Carlisle. 'I'm sorry' did not really seem like it was good enough at the moment but it was all I had, so I shoved myself to my feet and slowly made my way up to his office, where he was not at. I was surprised to find that he was not in his office or his library or even his bedroom. I finally found him in Ali's room, sitting on the edge of her bed and holding her unicorn in his hands.

I stopped in the doorway when I heard him whisper "Were you ever going to tell me?", and swallowed heavily, not knowing what to say. The most that I could come up with was a pathetic "I couldn't." When he snorted and questioned whether it was that I could not or would, I groaned. "What was I supposed to say, Carlisle? How was I supposed to say that..."

"The father of your child is _him?"_ I winced and opened my mouth to argue, but he cut me off. "How could you _not_ tell me, Bella? How could you not tell me that Ali's father is... _me?"_ Again I went to say something, and again he got there first. "No, Bella. He looks exactly like me. Aside from the accent, his voice sounds almost identical to mine. You met him in the bloody emergency room, for God's sake!" By now, he was up and pacing, and he chuckled darkly. "You said the first day after class that he reminded you of the family, but what you obviously stopped yourself from saying was that he looks like he could be my damned twin. Bloody hell, Bella, he _is_ me!"

"He is nothing like you," I blurted out without thinking, which really did not help my situation. I took a step back as his teeth pulled away from his lips and he snarled at me. I had never seen Carlisle react quite like this to anyone and it was both terrifying and heartbreaking to see such a vicious reaction aimed directly at me. "I'm sorry, Carlisle. I was afraid to tell you that... that..."

"That the only man that you have made love to is a man who looks exactly like me? That the only other man who has held you and kissed you the way that I have is an exact copy of me?" He was suddenly in front of me, gripping my upper arms in his large hands and frowning down at me. "This whole time, this whole bloody time, when you have asked for me to be patient, you have always known, haven't you? You have always been aware that you have feelings for me, haven't you? Or at least since you saw him, yes?" When I did not answer, he shook me slightly. "I want the truth, Isabella Swan. Do you understand? _Do you?"_

I swallowed and nodded my head fervently. "Yes," I managed to choke out.

"You saw me, didn't you?" I bowed my head, and he immediately caught my chin and forced my face back up, forced me to meet his burning gaze. "Is that why you went to him? Is that why you pursued a relationship with him? Because he was me?"

"He was never you."

"Maybe not his personality, not from what you have said, but he still looks like my bloody twin, Bella," he growled. "You said that you only had a fling with him until Ali was born. You stopped when Ali was born. As long as you were not involved with him personally, as long as you did not know him, he was me. Wasn't he?" At my silence, he shook me again. "Answer me, goddamnit! When you were involved with him, who did you really see, Bella? Say it! Deny it if you can. I dare you. Deny it, Bella."

I shook my head. I could not deny it, because it was the truth, but I was too scared to admit the truth.

"Dear God..." At his murmur, I glanced up and tried to ignore the tears streaming down my cheeks as he backed away from me. "Who do you truly see when you look at Ali, Bella? Who?" He suddenly grabbed me and dragged me to one of the white chest of drawers, where a picture of my daughter and I sat in a ornate silver frame. He shoved his finger at the picture. "Who do you see Bella? Whose face do you see in Ali's?" He did not give me time to answer, spinning me toward him as he rumbled down at me. "Who did you see every night? Who was in your mind when you conceived her, when she was born? Who, Bella?" He stopped ranting as he towered over me and lowered his head to my ear, whispering harshly, "Deny it, Isabella."

I gasped, nearly gagging on my tears. "I can't." I felt his arms slip around me, tenderly embracing me as he murmured in my ear that he wanted to hear me admit the truth, truths that I was afraid to confess. "When he walked into the emergency room," I started slowly, speaking quietly through my tears, "it was like seeing you all over again... I had run away, not only from Forks, but all of Washington. The loss of my family nearly killed me. Losing Edward hurt enough at that time, but the worst... the worst was losing you and Alice. Alice was my best friend and you..." I could not finish that sentence, but it did not matter, because he already knew. "And as much as it hurt, as pathetic as it was for Edward to walk away like he did, at least he said goodbye. You left without ever saying goodbye. You just abandoned me... and I couldn't stand it. So I ran."

I laughed hollowly. "And within less than a month of running clear across the damn country to get away from the pain, I was back in some damned hospital and... you just waltzed into the e.r. Only it wasn't you. He was never you. At least not..." I trailed off with a sigh and stared at a spot just over his shoulder. "When I saw him, it was like being hit with a ton of bricks. The only thing that I could think of was you. I kept seeing you and thinking of you, and at first, I felt so guilty that I hardly ever thought of Edward, the guy that I was supposed to be in love with. I felt guilty for not thinking of the family as a whole more often than I did, that I didn't think of my best friend more than I did. And then I stopped. I stopped feeling guilty for so long until I walked into the auditorium and saw you all. Then I felt guilty all over again."

I turned my head and looked at the picture of me and my little girl. "Yes," I whispered, "I thought about you. Every night, it was you. When I found out that I was pregnant, it hurt so much because I had been thinking about you. And when I talked to Cooper the day after that, it was the first time that I realized that it was always you but _he_ was never really you. He could never be you. All through the pregnancy, he was by my side, but I always wondered what it would like if it were you with me. When she was born, he was with me, but I wanted it to be you." I chuckled slightly. "Don't get me wrong, Coop is a great guy and I adore him, but he was never you. And he should have been... _You_ should have been."

He tipped my face up to his. "Say you love me, Isabella."

I blushed brightly and my lips parted to the words, but I hesitated for a moment and winced when his expression fell. I closed my mouth, grabbed his wrist and dragged him across the hall to my bedroom, shutting the door and leading him to my bed, where I pushed him down to sit on the mattress. I stepped between his powerful thighs and clasped his face in my hands, staring down into his glowing topaz eyes. "I love you." His expression did not change and I leaned down to caress his lips with mine in a gentle kiss before pulling away. "Carlisle Cullen, I love you. And I am sorry that I didn't tell you. I felt guilty for so long, because I couldn't understand why I thought about you so much but hardly thought about anyone else. I had finally accepted that it was some silly crush and I let it go. But seeing you all again brought that guilt back and when you said that I... that I'm your mate... I really didn't know what to think. I wasn't sure what you would think or how you would react and let's face it: there's no easy way to explain... well, you know."

I blushed as he smiled slightly and reached up to stroke my cheek. "That the first and only man that you have been so intimate with looks so much like me? _Is_ me." When my face grew hotter, he chuckled and pulled me down onto the mattress, stretching himself out beside me. "While the largest portion of my male pride will not allow me to be thrilled that my mate has been with another male, there is also a part of my ego that is somewhat flattered by the fact that the only male you did choose to be with is... _me_." He chuckled bemusedly. "Truly, Bella, personality aside, he is me. He looks like me, sounds like me. He works in the bloody emergency room. You were having an affair with me. You had a child with..."

"You." I grinned. "Well... your twin. With Emmett's personality."

His eyes widen. "And he is an m.d.?" When I nodded, he looked a bit worried. "And he still has a license?"

I burst out laughing. "Amazingly, yes." I yelped as I was suddenly moved from my back to lay half on the bed, half on my mate, and I snuggled against him. "You truly aren't mad?"

"No. No, I am not angry. I am a bit disappointed that you felt that you could not tell me, but I am not angry." He sighed deeply. "I wish now that I had Alice check up on you more than often. Had I known what you had done, who your thoughts were of, who you wished Ali's father to be, I would have been by your side in an instant, for in my heart, she is as much my child as she is his." He nuzzled my temple and the soft surprising rumble of his purr echoed in my ear. "She may have been created from his body, but you cannot deny that she came from my spirit."

I smiled against his shoulder. "No... No, I cannot deny that."

.

**Reviews are like sleep. I want some.**

**A/N:** I tried to edit this chapter, but something was wrong with me when I did. I don't know if it is because I'm actually sick, or if it is because of the medicine I took. Either way, I am really... hazy. I am having literal problems focusing on the words, so I'm giving up and will try to fix it tomorrow.

I now have an AroBella up called **Forsaken Wild,** and I would also like to invite all of you who remember or heard of **Feral Blood** to take a peek at the first installment of the **Feral** series, which has been published on Amazon under the name Arisa Baumann. You don't need an actual Kindle to purchase, only the Kindle app. You can also read it on your laptop/desktop with Amazon's cloud reader! No Kindle required! I'm so thrilled to finally have this story out and to announce that Part Two will be available this winter, along with a definitive print edition of Parts 1&2 together!

I'd also like to invite everyone to check out my friend **4MeJasper's** fics, particularly **Her Keeper** and **Prey for Him**. She has some great Jasper fics that I think everyone would enjoy, so make sure you check those out too!


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